I am by nature an encourager, an incurable optimist. I really love to be a good listener, to help people look at things from a different perspective, to remind them of all the good things in life when their road is tough, to just generally be the voice of "hey, this cup is half FULL!"
I'm also usually pretty good at being my own pep-talker, my own cheering section.
But, there are sometimes when the weight of life is hard to shrug off.
I used to run away from those feelings. They were too uncomfortable to face and it seemed too self-defeating to admit I was, well feeling kind of defeated. But, no more. I am determined to grow through these times, not bury my head in the sand.
The first couple of weeks of 2016 have been kind of tough. There is plenty in my life that is good and right, and I am grateful. But, I am also tired. Tired of some of the struggles that seem to drag on and on. Tired of not being able to fix things for the people I love. Tired of trying so hard and feeling like my try is wasted.
I know all the right answers, I know what to tell myself to chase away the voices. But, tonight, I'm not going to.
Tonight, I am going to hold all of this up to my Father and say, "I just can't." I know now, that that is ok with him, that in fact, He probably waits for me to do it. Waits for me to come to the end of myself so that I will turn fully to Him.
I am with David tonight, and I add the cry of my heart to his:
"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:2
Good night, friends.