Silver Lining

I know all we've been hearing about is the Coronavirus - its exhausting.  In a couple of days, we went from being pretty chill about the whole thing to having schools closed and social gatherings limited, sports and events of all kinds cancelled and not toilet paper anywhere.  It all feels pretty crazy.

I'm not generally a very excitable person - I tend to get the facts and arrive at my own conclusion rather than have a knee-jerk emotional response.  I have been doing my best to gather info the last few days and also to try to sort between hysteria and truth.  I have become convinced of a few things.

1.  A lot of people in America will get the Coronavirus - most of them will be fine, but not all.
2.  The biggest concern is that medical facilities and personnel will be overrun and unable to keep up with the number of cases requiring acute care.
3.  WE CAN HELP.  All the data points to social distancing being key to slow the spread.

I, like most of you I'm sure, was irritated when my daughter's (who is a dance major - how do you that online??) university converted to online classes and then subsequently my middle and high school kids schools were shut down by the Governor.  I have a daughter who is a senior in high school - will she not be able to walk across the graduation stage??

But, the more I read and listened, the more I got it.  Proactive closings and distancing will be MUCH more helpful than reactive ones.  I am not afraid of the coronavirus on a personal level, but I am part of a society that is much bigger than me personally - the best way I can show my care for others is to throw my hat in the ring and do my best to slow the spread.

So, we will.  My husband and I run a lacrosse club that literally just had its first game Thursday.  But, we sent out an email to cancel activities for at least the next two weeks (in keeping with the Governor's mandate) and sent out some suggestions to keep the players busy at home.  We were sad - our lacrosse loving boys are sad.  But, if this inconvenience can keep others safe - it is the least we can do.

I was contemplating it all this morning and the silver lining of the whole thing crashed down on me.

I am at home - practicing social distancing - but, I can still talk to all of you.  My kids will be stuck at home, but they too can talk to their friends.  If need be, they can do school at home online and they can still have access to teachers through chat rooms and online learning platforms.  THAT IS AMAZING.  This will be tough, I think, but we are in so much better of a position to weather it as a society than we were even 20 years ago. 

I am frustrated and sad and inconvenienced, but I am also grateful.  It's what I've said all along - technology isn't all bad. :)

Wash your hands, friends, and let's chat - online.

The Long Game

Do you ever feel like you are behind in life?  You check out the landscape around you - your friends and their accomplishments, your friend's children and where they are in life, your financial situation, the state of your health, how your happiness measures up to other people's perceived happiness which is always on display via social media?

Of course you do.  We all do.

In this modern society, impatience is at an all time high.  For some reason, we all think we deserve ALL THE THINGS right now.  But man.  The older I get, the more I realize that life is the long game - not to be cliche, but it truly is about the journey, not the destination.

I worry for folks today who are rushing to get to some imaginary finish line where they think they will be happy. No.  Happiness is today.  It is the people you love, the work you do, the faith you embrace.  It is not an absence of trouble or challenges.  It is not the perfect house, fancy car, perfect body.

Faith is the same.  I am a follower of Jesus, but the longer I follow Him, the more I realize that faith is also not about a destination - it is about what you learn along the way, and who you are becoming.  Many young believers seem to have the idea that faith is an easy fix for what ails them.  No, my friends, faith is a relationship.  And like most relationships, it gets finer with time, and stronger because of adversity.

The Bible is full of the stories of people who waited years, decades even, to see the promises of God fulfilled.  We have trouble waiting for our food in a drive-thru line.  But, you know, our present circumstances don't change God.  He does not change His ways to accommodate our perceived time table.  He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  He created the long game and did it with us in mind.

Take a deep breath - masterpieces, like you and me, they cannot be rushed, and they are well worth the wait. 

In The Whisper

I was driving Pierce to school this morning and he turned to me and asked, "Mom, what has been the busiest year of your life?"
I thought hard trying to pinpoint one, but I finally said, "Gosh honey, I dont know, I feel like I've been busy for a looonnnggg time."
He sighed.  This has been his busiest year so far, he shared, and he is wondering how to handle it, and if it will ever get better.

It was not lost on me that I was having this conversation with my 13 year old 7th grader.  Did I wonder these things at his age?  I don't think I did.  I think life is more fast paced now than it used to be and that pressure affects younger people more than it used to.  The voices in society (made louder by constant online access) scream at us to work harder, do better, prioritize, rest, exercise, eat well, have meaningful relationships, drink water, eat organic, for gosh sake DO IT ALL AND DO IT BETTER.

It's exhausting.

I was so glad to be able to share with him that although his life will probably always be busy, there is a place he can go for relief. 

"...but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."  I Kings 19:12

When life rises up and seems like it is too much and you feel you will cave under the pressure, I told him, you just need to take a minute and listen for the whisper.

God didn't promise a lack of storms, He just promised to be present in them.  To uphold us, encourage us, strengthen us and see us through to the other side. Every. Single. Time.

I am a little sad that my kids are growing up in such a tumultuous time, but I am so happy to be able to point them to where peace is - just follow the whisper, my 13 year old, He will never let you down.  💜

The Most Important 30 Minutes of the Day

I was reminded again the other night what the most important 30 minutes of the day is - probably most of you know without me saying it - it's family dinnertime.

When I was a mom of very young children, I sort of had the wrong idea about this.  Sure, we ate dinner together almost everyday, but I thought it had more to do with WHAT was on the table.  As the years have passed, I have realized that has nothing to do with it really.  We could be eating a beautiful Thanksgiving dinner with all the fancy dishes and decorations or we could be eating soup and grilled cheese on paper plates - what matters is WHO is at the table and the relationships that are being built there.

As my kids are growing and going, I am ever so grateful that we placed a priority on family dinner.  We don't have a perfect track record - there were many, many nights when we weren't all there - but we would always do our best to reconnect with whoever the absent party or parties were when they got back from their late night activity - save them a plate, get the rundown of their day for a few minutes while they ate, hopefully remind them that when life is tough and busy that they always have a place to come and decompress and be loved.

This year, although we still have 3 at home (Kennedy started her first post-college job in Williamsburg and Reagan is a Junior at Radford University), they are older and busy. McKinley is a senior with a job, a car,  and multiple extracurricular activities.  Carter is a sophomore who runs cross country everyday after school and never misses an opportunity to be with his friends.  Pierce is a 7th grader, but he started military school this year - he and Nic walk out my door at 6:20 every morning!  The boys at Fishburne kick off the day with 45 minutes of PT (physical training) BEFORE breakfast.  Nobody gets here before 5:00 (holy long day for the 7th grader) and everyone is tired when they do make it home.

We have taken to eating dinner on the couches because our bodies need to relax, and some days what I manage to dish up is not all that exciting because I work full time too and meal prep has never been my strong suit.  BUT, how good it is for all of our souls to sit there with each other for half an hour and reconnect - we are feeding our bodies, but the soul food is just as important.

If you are tempted to give up this time because it seems impossible - DON'T.  You will be so, so glad to have these memories.  Happy New School Year friends!!!  💕

Snow Day Thoughts

The last few weeks of my life have been extremely busy and anything but ordinary.  The events and things that have been going on aren't mine to share, but they have prompted lots of deep thinking.

I am typically pretty circumspect anyway - as I think most people of my personality type are, but sometimes it gets kicked into high gear.  So, since we have a snow day and I am enjoying a much needed day off, I thought I would share.

There is a verse in Deuteronomy 29:29 and it reads:

"Some things are hidden.  They belong to the Lord our God."

We don't like this thought, we humans, especially we Americans. "What do you mean hidden?  That doesn't seem fair.  I have the right to know!!"  We don't appreciate hidden things. We want to search things out.  We want to be well informed.  We want to understand.  We want to do all of these things, I think, because it gives us the illusion that we are in control.

The older I get, the more I realize that is not the case.  But, here is another thing I have realized.  It's not as scary to not be in control as I once thought.  In a way, it is somewhat comforting to release my death - like grip of being in charge. 

It's kind of like the Doc Holiday quote in Tombstone:

"There is no good life or bad life, Wyatt.  There's just life."

Huh.

My prayer is that as I walk through this life, I will live it to the fullest, love the most, enjoy the good, grow through the bad, be a blessing whenever and to whomever I can, and to relax into the steady hand of the lover of my soul.

💕   

Thankful for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday.  I do love Christmas too, but let's be real, Moms - it's a lot of work to be Santa.  Thanksgiving is just spending time together and all you really have to do is cook a turkey. #easy

Since we have lived in Virginia, our Thanksgiving holidays have been just the 7 of us - Michigan and New Mexico are a long way to travel for a 4 day weekend - and I have come to really enjoy this time with just our family.

Yesterday though, we were invited to go to some friend's for the day and that was great too - laid back, relaxing, good food.  It's just my favorite day.

As we all sat around yesterday afternoon, I was watching all the kids -ours and theirs - and thought what a wonder it is to watch them all grow.  There is just nothing that compares.

I used to think that I would be really sad as my kids grew and spread their wings.  Now, true that I am not facing an empty nest quite yet, but so far this sadness has not materialized.  I actually love to watch my kids as they journey into adulthood.  It is gratifying to watch them take on the world and I am still their Mom - sure, my role is different, but would I really want that not to be the case?

I've heard many parents say things like "oh, if only they were little again," or "if I could just pause time right now."  I understand the sentiment, but I honestly don't think anyone really means it.  Our kids are meant to grow and move on, we would be beyond sad if something stopped that normal progression of life for them.

I think what people really mean when they make comments like that is "I miss them."

Yes.  Me too.

That's why I'm thankful for Thanksgiving.  :)

"Just a Mom"

I heard this phrase a few weeks back.  I was chatting with a group of ladies and everyone was talking about their occupation.  There were some impressive answers:  Nurse.  Teacher.  Sales Manager.  Entrepreneur.  Then one of the ladies said, somewhat apologetically and sheepishly, "Oh! You all are amazing!  I'm just a Mom."  The other women answered kindly and not at all condescendingly.  One of them even said, "Well, then you are the hardest worker here!"  But, I could tell that "just a Mom" wasn't altogether convinced.

I do not at all think that the other women were being disingenuous, but I found myself wondering; at what point in time did we start to feel the need to defend our choice to be "just a Mom?" 

I was a stay at home Mom for 17 years.  It was my choice and had always been one of the biggest dreams of my heart.  I now work outside the home, but those original thoughts and desires I had have not changed.

I really like my job.  I love the people I work with and I feel that we are doing important work for our community.  But, if we were just meeting and you asked me about myself, the first thing out of my mouth wouldn't be, "I'm a dental assistant."  I would say, "I have been married for 22 years and we have 5 wonderful kids - I love being a wife and a Mom!"  It doesn't bother me at all to be identified by the role I hold in the lives of my family.  Actually, I feel there is no greater privilege.

There is no question, no question, that women are capable of any career out there.  I am glad that we have made such progress as a society in our view of women.  I just hope we haven't veered into the ditch on the other side of the road.  Yes, women, you should absolutely follow the dreams in your heart - you can do whatever you set your mind to.  But, if what you really want to do is stay at home with your own children and you are able to do so - don't you dare let society look down on you. 

Don't you dare look down on yourself. 

Here is a quote from G.K. Chesterton that hits the nail on the head:

“To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labours, and holidays; to be Whitely within a certain area, providing toys, boots, cakes and books; to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can imagine how this can exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.”

Indeed.

In Solidarity: To my Fellow Modern Day Parents

You know where I am right now?  I am sitting in a parking lot waiting for my son to finish football practice.  Like most of you, I worked all day, rushed home, picked him and his sister up, dropped him off, dropped her off, and now I’m sitting in this parking lot because there is no point in going home before I have to come back and pick him up.

I know others of you are doing the same thing, because I see you sitting in your cars right next to me.

Also, if you are like me, you probably have heard your fair share of how bad it is that we do all of this running around and it would be so much better if the kids just ran and played outside like they used to.

Listen.  I’m not exactly arguing that point.  But, I am saying - to the parents of yesteryear - and the voices that condemn all things parenting in the year 2018: that is not the way things are now.

I’m sure it was great when all the neighborhood kids played a game of baseball together until the street lights came on, but today if I want my kids to play sports, interact with their peers and learn some life lessons (which I do); I have to sign them up, pay a fee and take them to practices.  And games.  And volunteer.

And even if everyone only does 1 thing, all the things have multiple days and most of us have multiple children and, there ya go...we are all sitting here in our cars.

But, I feel solidarity with you, my fellow car sitters.  I feel proud to be with you.

We are making the best choices we can for our kids in the day they are growing up in.

We aren’t sitting in these cars because we don’t care.

 We’re sitting here because we do.

End of Summer Musings

It is the last week before the kids go back to school and also my vacation week.  We have stayed home this week because we have basically had a summer of mini-vacations. We didn't all go together or at the same time, but we have had some awesome fun and been pretty busy.

We all made it out to New Mexico and all of my kids finally got to meet my Grandma.:)  Reagan went to Michigan and Kennedy is on her way there now.  McKinley and I went to Atlanta.  Kennedy and I went to New York.  Nic and the boys went to New York.  Reagan and I still have a day trip planned to New York.  Free flights are cool, but travel is also kind of exhausting.

So.  We decided to take it easy this week - hang out, swim, back to school shop, sleep in.  I've heard the word bored a time or two, but it hasn't been from my lips. 

Time like this is rare for me and sooo rejuvenating.  I've had lots of time to sit and think and journal and consider the upcoming year. 

Kennedy is getting ready to start her SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE.  Dang.  She will likely move to a bigger city after graduation in order to intern in her chosen field for a year or two so that she more clearly knows what to pursue in grad school.  I am impressed with the way she tackles life - hasn't been easy, but she's no quitter.

Reagan will be a sophomore at Radford University and, in keeping with the way she rolls, her fall schedule is enough to make me cower in a corner.  18 credit hours, peer mentor job and all the performances she is required to participate in on top of it.  She wouldn't have it any other way.

McKinley - a junior this year.  Her class schedule is jam packed and she will be working part time and participating in extra curriculars as well.  Thoughts of what comes after high school are on the forefront of her mind all the time, and it really is right around the corner.

Carter is a freshman. In highschool.  He eats, sleeps and breathes lacrosse and Pokemon Go. He is the boy version of Reagan and requires lots of social interaction.  I took him school clothes shopping and he picked out a shirt with roses on it, which is apparently a thing boys wear now.   He is turning into a young man at lightning speed.

Pierce is about to make his first step into the halls of the middle school as a student.  He has found all of his classes, met all his teachers, conquered the opening of his locker and is all set to play the saxophone in the band and flag football.

I am still enjoying my job and am beyond grateful for it.  Nic is working at the airport and handling our growing lacrosse program.  Our life is full, busy, we are blessed.

There are things I could point out that aren't perfect, of course.  I know I am no different than any of you - there are setbacks, frustrations, daily battles.  But, I choose to look at the good - there is so much of it.  I also choose to live in today.  Today, I have daily bread, a home, a beautiful family, my health.  Yes, tomorrow will have it's challenges and there are things that I'm not quite sure how they will work out.

But, this I know.

He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  He has seen ahead to what tomorrow holds and has provided.  He is the way maker.  He is my peace and comfort.  He never fails.

You Know What's Hard?

Trying to keep up with all the things I'm *supposed* to do to be healthy.

*Disclaimer:  I have many friends who do things like YLEO, Plexus, CrossFit, Keto Coffee, AdvoCare, Detox's, Wraps, etc,etc,etc.  I am truly happy for you if you have found a thing that has had such a positive impact on your life, I really mean that.  I am writing this one, paritally, so that none of you are hurt by the fact that I don't try to participate in these things.  It has nothing to do with you - it's definitely me.

Here's the thing about me - it's just all too much for me to try to figure out.  There is too much information, too many programs, too many experts who have the"key" to healthy living.  It activates my fight or flight response and I just shut down.  It just has to be more simple than all of that.

We all have the same 24 hours and I just cannot buy into the fact that my health hinges on whether or not I have the time/means to take part in some or all of the stuff that's out there.  I have made some simple discoveries about myself over the years and I'm just gonna go with it.

1. I must have downtime/quiet time everyday - it's a challenge, but one that I take seriously. I must care for my introverted soul.

2. I feel the best and have the most energy when I listen to my body.  I know that the experts say this and that about how and when and what I should eat.  I listen to my body over them.  Every Time.

3. I hate water, but I drink it anyway. 

4.  I do some exercise everyday, even if it's just a short yoga session or a walk.  Some exercise everyday.

5.  I try to really pay attention to nature, to people, to God, to what is happening in the moment.  I want to live on purpose and not miss things because I am on auto-pilot.

The End.

Seriously.  That is my health routine and it is what makes me feel whole and peaceful.  I am 45 years old and I have never felt better.  I grow more convinced all the time that what we really need is peace.  :)

Small Changes

I have always been bad at things like New Year's resolutions and diets.  Some time ago, I just stopped trying because who likes to always fail?

But, over the past few years, a new idea has taken hold in my brain.  I have always viewed stuff like that as punishing myself rather than helping myself which is why I would always quit.  If I can adopt the mindset that this is good for me and I will probably even enjoy it - then, game on!

Media consumption is high on my list of concerns not only for my kids, but for myself.  I don't think all the gadgetry is evil (see my previous entry), but I do recognize that we need to control it and not the other way around.  But, how does one go about that?  I don't want to be the constant nagging voice in my kid's heads "get off your phone!  turn off the xbox!  what are you doing on the computer now??"  But, I also don't want them to have no self-discipline or awareness in this area.  They will never get away from electonics - it's hard to imagine how, but I'm sure it will get worse.  What do we do?  Internal regulation is what we need, but how do we get there?

Well, we have put one guideline in place that I believe has headed us down the right path.

We heard a speaker not long ago talking about how important the first hour of the day is and how it sets the tone for your day and determines your focus.  He said that to roll out of bed and immediately check your devices (guilty) is to program yourself to be distracted all day long.  I GOT IT.

So, we started.  We told the kids that from now on, the first hour of everyone's day is to be device-free.  What they do during that time is up to them, but no electronics of any kind.  We are doing it too - and what a difference already.

I spend my first hour doing some kind of exercise and then having a time to read, pray, journal or even just sit in the quiet.  It makes my head clearer and my days feel more productive.  I know that this isn't going to be like all of those times that I tried to make a resolution and didn't stick to it because it is something I am doing FOR myself,  not TO myself. 

It's a small change, but I can tell it will have big results.

A Mom's Take on Smartphones and Such...

I gotta be honest, I am so sick of all the panic and general hand-wringing about technology and social media - I really am over it.

It's not because I don't understand - I get it.  I admit to walking in the living room and seeing everyone of my children staring at a phone and NOT LIKING IT.  I have struggled with the appropriate way to enforce "screen boundaries."  I have said, "if I see that phone at the table, it's mine," and meant it, buddy.

However, I do not buy into the idea that these little computers we carry in our back pockets are going to be the end of society as we know it.  That they are handicapping us and making it impossible for us to truly connect with each other or have meaningful relationships.

Sorry, but I call BS on that.

I call BS on it because I like my phone just as much as the next person - maybe even a little more, if I'm being honest.  Yet, strangely, I still manage to have close relationships with my family (yes - even my teenagers, love their phones though they do), and friends.  I still care for people deeply and have normal face-to-face conversations.  I am still involved in my community and understand the value of volunteerism and giving back.  I am not saying I'm perfect, by any means, but I am standing up and saying confidently that my iPhone has not stolen my soul.

And you know what?  I see these same things in my kids. They love their phones, sure.  But, they also love their friends.  They may communicate with flying thumbs and goofy selfies instead of locked in the pantry on a rotary phone, but communicate they do.  They have deep and meaningful conversations on social media.  They discuss issues, dream about their futures, tackle difficult subjects and encourage one another.  I know this because I see it and read it.  I know there is plenty my kids don't share with me, but it is not uncommon for one of them to say, "Hey mom, read this text, or what do you think about this thing I read or watch this cool video so and so sent me."  Make no mistake, they are tackling life just like we did.

We all need to be aware, we need to be intentional in our relationships, we need to be parents and not allow our kids to be consumed with all things electronic...BUT, we also need to give ourselves a little credit.  We can have these devices and still be and raise good, loving and thoughtful humans.

That's how I see it.  :)

Pausing to Take Stock

Those of you who have read my blog since it started know that I started blogging after I had begun writing a book and then lost all of the content when my computer crashed.  It was a sad, sad day, but I learned the valuable lesson of backing things up and it prompted me to keep a journal of my life and family, because, gosh darn it, I will indeed write a book one of these days!

So...I blog and post to facebook because I like to share with my friends, but also because I am building content.

Today's blog is just a moment for me to stop and look around my life.  I am busy, busy, busy!!!  But, I don't want to miss all the wonder in my busy-ness.  Read on if you're interested, if not - you will read it in my book.  :)

In a few short weeks, my 2nd born will graduate from high school.  I have been thinking lately about how much the dynamic of our family will change when she goes to college (as it did when our first born ventured out a couple of years ago).  The changes are good, but also hard. We have been this close-knit group of 7 people for years and now we have reached the point where the members are starting to embark on the part of their journey where they strike out on their own.  They are SUPPOSED to do this, this has been the goal all along, but that doesn't mean we like it all the time.

In 5 months - 5 short months - there will only be 5 of us living in this house full time.

Kennedy will be a junior at Longwood University.  We have been so proud to watch her embrace college and take advantage of all the opportunities that she has been afforded. Her future is bright indeed.

Reagan will be a freshman at Radford University.  So excited for all she will learn and have the opportunity to be involved in.  I have no doubt it will catapult her forward, not just as a dancer, but as a person.

McKinley will be a sophomore at Stuarts Draft High School.  She discovered a love for theater this year, participating in both the One Act and the musical; and also discovered she can sing. I don't know where she will head after high school, but she will certainly have plenty of options.

Carter will be an 8th grader at Stuarts Draft Middle School.  He eats, drinks and breathes lacrosse.  For the boy whose interests change so rapidly, it has been interesting to see him latch onto this and stick with it.  He has a fair amount of natural talent, and is learning how to add hard work to the equation.  Who knows where it will lead?

Pierce will be a 5th grader at Guy K. Stump Elementary. He often feels like he is being left behind in a family where everyone is so busy, and growing and changing so quickly. I remind him often they they were just like him when they were 10. I, for one, am glad to have a 10 year old who is taking his time with life.

5 kids (well, 2 of them are adults...), 5 different schools.  1 Mom brain and heart to handle it all.

Sometimes, I feel the odds are stacked against me.

But, on days like today I just choose to embrace the waterfall.  Would I want less?  Would I want them to not experience life, learn, grow, fly?  Of course not.  I will let the beauty of their growth overwhelm me, not the sadness of change.

Today, I will breathe deeply and enjoy this moment, I will be grateful for the years of constant togetherness and thousands of shared memories.  I will look forward to all of the new ones we have yet to make.

I will be honored to be a part of making this Mihailoff family tapestry.

Grace for Today

Been thinking a lot about grace lately - mostly because I need it so much.  Not just the grace that saves me in the afterlife, but the grace to walk through this life - day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute sometimes.

Grace to just keep on going when it feels like that is all you have done for years and years and years...

Life has given me much to be grateful for and I am indeed grateful.

But, I am also tired and discouraged some days.

On those days, I am glad that I have the everlasting arms to lean back on.  Part of my journey has been realizing that that is what those arms are for.  I spent a lot of years imagining that they were folded in anger against me.

That realization has been a beautiful fruit of the struggle, I wouldn't trade that knowledge for anything.

But, I am ready, ready to move on past some of the issues that have plagued me for years.

Today, I sigh and keep on walking.  Grace for today and bright hope for tomorrow...

*Sigh*

Some days, despite my best intentions, I fall flat on my face.  Yesterday was that day.  I didn't cause an actual crisis or anything, but I did create a misunderstanding that further stressed and complicated a situation that was already stressful and complicated.  Go me.

I had no evil intentions, I really just should have thought a little longer before I spoke.  Still, lack of intention does not mean one didn't create a problem.

While I was beating myself up, I stopped to think about how I would respond if it was another person who had been in my shoes.  I admit that my knee jerk reaction would probably not have been great; but ultimately, I would have shrugged and realized that the person didn't mean any harm and gotten on with my life.  Probably the people in my situation did the same.

So, why is it so hard to forgive oneself?

I guess it's because we all want to be perceived in a good light and when we do something we feel messes that up, its hard to take.

Well.  I am not perfect.  So, if you were wondering about that, wonder no more....;)

I'm glad today is a new day, a clean slate.  Next time I mess up, I will try to be a little more gracious to myself and I will try to forgive others more quickly too.  We are all trying and that's really all we can do.

Friday-ing

I work as a dental assistant and our office is open Monday-Thursday 7-5.  I usually go to work at 8:00 (because my employer is flexible and family-oriented PTL!), but I do come in some days at 7:00.  It is a long work day/week to be sure,  and with after school stuff and 4 kids still at home; I am ready to raise the white flag of surrender by Thursday evening.   Every week though, the thought of Friday keeps me going strong.

I call it Friday-ing.

I absolutely use Fridays to get everybody to their appointments, to grocery shop, to clean, to run the million errands every family needs run....but, there are days; like this one, where there is no running, the errands aren't urgent and all the work can be done at home.  Magical.

I try to take these days to reflect, because time - it is passing.

Now that school has been in session for several weeks and the kids' activities are all underway, we have settled into the "school year rhythm."  I like my days to be predictable to some degree and I like the steady hum of family life, but I need to remember to soak it in and not just let it slip by.

This morning, after all the kids were at school and Nic was at work, I went into all the kids' bedrooms and laid in each of their beds.  I tried to imagine what they were thinking about and how they felt at night as they drifted off to sleep. I prayed for them - growing to adulthood isn't for wimps.

Then I did some computer work for the marching band, cleaned up the house and decided to just sit and be.

That is a tall order in this day and age, isn't it?  But, I feel in my soul we need to do more of it.

My prayer for all of you is that you have some time and space in your life to "Friday."  Love you all.

Good Christian or Bad Christian....?

So, I was reading a devotional this morning and it really, really, really bothered me.

The author was relating an instance where one of her children had gotten into trouble at school and it threw her into a whirlwind of feeling like a "bad Christian parent."  Now, she was being honest with her circumstance and trying to help others, that's not what bothered me; it bothered me that she had to spend one ounce of her time and effort trying to combat that feeling.

I mean, are there "bad Christians" and "good Christians?"

If there are, where can I find that measuring stick to find out who is who?  At what point do my struggles put me into "bad Christian" territory and which struggles are holy enough to avoid the label?

No, no, no...the very idea of that is ridiculous.

We are Christians because we follow Christ.  Period.  I will struggle, you will struggle, every person will struggle - but that is because we are human, it has no bearing on our Christianity.  Our Christianity comes into play in HOW WE DEAL with the struggles.

It is a waste of my time and effort to feel guilty for being human.  It does not matter what a terrific parent you are, your child will make some bad choices.  It does not matter what a great spouse you are, you and your partner will not always see eye to eye.  It doesn't matter how hard you work, sometimes money will be in short supply...etc, etc, etc.

WHEN these things come up, what do you do?

The answer to THAT question determines where you are in your Christian walk.

So, dear author of that devotional, please take the effort you are using to wonder where your Christianity is failing and put it toward helping your child deal with this situation.  Discipline him, love him, teach him, move forward.

That's what Christians do.

Self Help?

So, I read this quote in an article yesterday:

"The huge and punishing self-help industry preys on fear and adds guilt to the mix."

It stopped me dead in my tracks.  The idea of "self-help" has always bothered me...not the idea that we should try to better ourselves, to grow as individuals; but more the insinuation behind it that if we would just get our crap together, our problems would magically disappear.  I mean, clearly all of our challenges are self-induced, right?  If we were just more disciplined, more focused, were always positive, took these vitamins, ate no gluten, ate no dairy, ate no meat, trusted God more, worked harder, exercised more, drank more water....

It has always seemed a hamster wheel to me and I jumped out a long time ago, but I have assumed it was simply people judging and trying to one up each other...until I read that quote.

Like a lightning bolt to my brain - SELF-HELP INDUSTRY.  oh.  Oh.  OH. OHH. !!!!  

This is about money.

People, who are sincerely doing their best in life are being beaten mentally and made to feel unworthy and useless and stupid because somebody wants a paycheck.  Got it.

It made me feel angry and sad and helpless all at once.

Listen!!!  We cannot save ourselves.  None of us can.  The whole reason Jesus came is because there is no such thing as self-help.  We cannot, CANNOT do enough of the "right" things to make ourselves better, to make ourselves whole.

There is nothing wrong with trying...but there is something patently wrong with trusting your own effort.

My dear friends, eat as well as you can, exercise, sleep, take care of yourselves...absolutely.  But, at the end of the day, fall onto the rock, the great I AM, the lover of your soul and be convinced that He and He alone can save you.  Not only is He the only one who is able to, but He desperately wants to lift that burden from your shoulders.

This blog started off being about helping Moms who were being made to feel inadequate, but I realize now it's not just Moms, it's people in general.

 I declare war on the "self-help" industry.  I may be just one person, but I'm coming for you.

Simple Faith

It is such human nature to want to figure everything out, isn't it?  The idea of "letting go and letting God" flies in the face of our need to control.

I am a fiercely patriotic person.  Yes, yes, our country has multiple issues, but I have always been and am still proud to be an American.  The national anthem never fails to bring tears to my eyes.  We are a messy bunch, but I wouldn't want to belong to any other place on this planet.

We are pretty stubborn though.  We came to this land and forged our own way, fighting against anything or anyone that stood in our way.  We were self-sufficient from the word go.  I appreciate how this attitude has shaped me as a  person...mostly.

But, it occurs to me that this attitude also makes it very hard for me to live the life of faith.

I have been taught, maybe not directly, but by observation, that I should be able to handle whatever life throws at me.  I should pull myself up by my bootstraps and soldier on, I should DEFINITELY have the answers.

But, you know, faith doesn't work that way.

Jesus wasn't an American and He doesn't change the way the kingdom of God works to accommodate our American-ness.

He calls us to follow Him and not be sure of where we are going.

He asks us to believe and trust before we see.

He asks us to be ok without having all the answers.

He asks us to trust that He loves us and will never let us down even when it looks like the exact opposite is happening.

I'll be honest, this used to make me mad.  I believed in God, sure, but I wanted it to make sense.  I wanted it to be logical.  I wanted to know what to expect.  I wanted a God that was predictable.

Instead I got exactly what I needed.

I got the blessed ability to look at all of the things life throws at me, close my eyes and say,

"I will be still, and know that you are God.  I don't need to worry about this or try to figure it out because you are the answer.  I hear your voice and another I will not follow.  You will never leave me or forsake me.  You are my shepherd, I shall not want."

Amen.





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Reflections

I think that because we've never experienced it before, each phase of parenting must feel like the busiest time of life.  I know I felt that way when I had bunches of babies, toddlers and preschoolers.  I definitely felt that way when I was homeschooling.  Then, it felt even busier when I was homeschooling some and some were going to school.   But, this....this time of life takes the proverbial cake.

Sometimes I feel like I am barely making it from one day to the next, much less enjoying the view along the way; so this morning I decided I needed to pause for a minute and take the time to think about all the great things that are happening in the midst of the craziness.

Thursday evening, we got to go and listen to the middle school jazz band.  McKinley only started playing the flute at the beginning of this year, but in true McKinley fashion, she jumped in with both feet.  She has progressed to the point that she caught up with the other flute players that started in 6th grade.  It was a true joy, not only to hear her play, but to see her interact with the other band members - it's like a peek inside her world and it made me happy.  She has big plans for high school (next year!) and beyond and I am proud and grateful that she has been afforded these opportunities.

Last night, we went to St. Paul's United Methodist Church where Reagan had been invited to dance for their annual dinner theater.  She has had many fantastic opportunities over the years with her dancing and I know there will be many more, but last night was significant because it was the first one that I had no part in.  She was invited to perform by a young lady I don't know, she went to rehearsals on her own and nobody in the building had any idea who we were.  It felt like the beginning of the next phase.  She has one more year of high school, but I miss her already.

In a little while, we will head to the fields at Wilson to watch Pierce play soccer.  Nic is his coach and has been for the last 2 years.  I have no thought that Pierce will end up being a pro soccer player or anything, but being involved in the sport has made him grow so much.  He is the baby of the family, some might say a Mama's boy, but his maturing is coming right along.

Tomorrow afternoon we will get to go and watch Carter play lacrosse.  We have always known he was very athletic, but we just couldn't find the right fit for him.  Well, I think we have found it.  He shines on that field, not only with ability, but with joy, it just pours off of him.  We don't know much about lacrosse yet, but his coach has told us he has a fair amount of natural talent and has invited him to play travel lacrosse in the fall.  I bet I will be a pro lacrosse fan in a few years. :)  

And then Kennedy, by the end of this week she will have finished up her freshman year of college.  I am so, so proud of her.  We moved that girl across the country right before her junior year and she rose to the challenge.  She has grown tremendously over the past year.  I'm looking forward to being able to spend some time with her this summer.

So, yes, I am so dang busy right now.  I get tired and I want everything to stop so I can sleep for 43 hours.  But, not really.  This is an exciting time for all of us and it is the fruit of many prayers and tears.  Thank you, God, for taking care of my kids. 

I will take a deep breath and do my best to enjoy every bit of it.  Now, off to get ready for soccer. :)