Of Dioramas and Early Bedtimes...

So, my 7 year old is a boy - my first boy - although he is my fourth child.  And sometimes that kid shocks the heck out of me.  I mean I've heard my whole life that boys are soooo different, but I never really appreciated what that meant until I had one.

The good - great - thing about boys is how much they love their mommies!!  I now know why there are so many awful mother-in-law tales.  It's because there will never be a girl good enough to take my boys' hearts away from me - never.  It's a good thing I have some years to make peace with that whole thing because I'm definitely not ready for it now.  But, that is not what this particular blog is about.

Anyway....the not so good thing about boys is -  just about everything else.  I joke.  There are a lot of great things about boys, it's just that sometimes they are hard to remember when they do things like what I'm about to tell you.

So, Carter loves to smash things - I don't why.  My husband swears it is a "boy thing" and perfectly normal, but to me it seems a little strange.  Yah, I know - boys are different.  So, the other day, he and Pierce were merrily smashing up some boxes and yelling and laughing with delight.  I thought it was great because who cares about some boxes?   Well, no one, unless one of the boxes is your sister's diorama that she worked on very hard and was planning to save.

So, after the meltdown, yelling and tears, we finally figured out that Carter had asked McKinley for permission to use her diorama.  Now, she is a girl.  So, as a girl, she logically assumed he was going to use it as a house for his Lego guys or something.  But, he is not a girl, which we have already covered.  To him, the use of the diorama for smashing made much more sense.

Yes, I do sometimes make allowances for things under the excuse of "boys will be boys."  But, this was not one of those times, because even boys need to have manners and understand how to respect other people and their property.  So, Carter apologized and then he had to go to bed early.  On a family movie night.  You would have thought his world was coming to an end, and I suppose in his 7 year old eyes it probably was.

But, we stayed strong and sent him anyway.  I'd rather have him sentenced to early bedtime at 7 than prison at 17.  Just sayin...

The Wounds of a Friend.

I recently had a friend approach me about a situation in my life.  She came to me and asked permission to share.  I granted it.  She was candid with what she said and didn't pull any punches.  I listened.  I really considered what she said.  Ultimately, I disagreed with her overall assessment of the situation.  HOWEVER, I appreciated the heck out of the fact that she took the risk to share it.

The whole thing got me to thinking about friendship and how valuable it is.  I am blessed to have a few friends that I have pretty open and honest relationships with.  They challenge me and cause me to grow.  They don't just tell me what I want to hear, and that is something that you can't put a price tag on.

There's a verse in the Bible that says, "The wounds of a friend are faithful, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful."  It's true.  So true.  It's so easy to smile and say something you don't mean to avoid hurting someone's feelings.  But, really who are you protecting?  Not them...yourself.  Being honest with another person is to risk being misunderstood and to risk the possibility that they might be angry at you.  It is to be vulnerable.  It is to say, "I love you....enough to tell you that I think you're wrong right now....and take the chance that you might not be too happy about it."  It's hard, it's scary.  But, it's worth it.

I'm trying to teach this quality to my kids.  I encourage them not to engage in the relationship games kids play, but to have the courage to simply ask the questions they want answered or make the statements they want to make.  Other kids their age don't always appreciate it (or know how to deal with it), but sometimes they are pleasantly surprised.  Also, sometimes my kids play the games - they are kids after all.  But, I'm sure that each one of them would tell you that the honest way is better.

Another epiphany that I had after the conversation is that I listened because I know she cares about me.  You better believe that if someone who didn't have the standing in my life that she does had tried to address the topic we were discussing, I would have handily sized them down.  I'm not saying that it would have been right for me to do so, I'm just saying I know myself, and I would have. ;)  It reminds of something my husband always says,

"People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

2 great lessons for me in the past few days - I am one lucky lady.  :)

One Day at a Time

Do you ever get overwhelmed thinking about all of the things you have coming up?  All of the obligations?  All of the driving here and there?  All of the appointments?  All of the laundry?  All of the dishes?  Holiday shopping?  School volunteering?

I do.  Sometimes it feels like it's about to mow me down like a freight train.

That is when I try to stop and take a deep breath and remember - all I have to do today is...today.  In fact, that's all I can do.  It doesn't matter how much brain power or energy I expend, I can never get ahead in time.  Life can only be lived in the present.

Of course, there are certain preparations that can be made, reminders written, schedules planned out and that is all very helpful.  But, once I've done all of that, I just need to do what is right in front of me.  There have been times when one of my kids has wanted me to stop and play a game with them or take a few minutes extra at bedtime to read a story or snuggle with them and because of all that is waiting for me to accomplish the next day and the sense of being overwhelmed that I sometimes get, I say no.  Those are not proud moments for me as a Mom.  Not only do I miss out on some extra moments with them, I also show them the wrong way to handle life by my example.

My worries and thoughts about tomorrow should not affect my today.  Things that I really have no control over should not cause me to forfeit the things I can control.

I may have a lot of stress about how I'm going to accomplish everything on Wednesday, but that shouldn't mean I can't read an extra Thomas book on Tuesday.  I may get overwhelmed thinking about how many times in the next few years I will have to make that drive back and forth to school or dance or gymnastics; but that shouldn't keep me from enjoying the drive time I have today and making the most of my time with my kids in the car.

I think I did a pretty good job today.  Now I'm going to enjoy my evening with my husband, get some rest and then get up and live just tomorrow...

On Why I'm Staying Here...

...in Flint that is...

"You live where?"  "Are you crazy?"  "Isn't that the murder capitol of the world?"  "Aren't you worried about the safety of your kids?"  "Isn't the economy there the worst in the nation?"  "What about the schools?"  "I thought there weren't any jobs there!"

Well.

I'm not gonna lie, there are some difficulties in living where we live.  We have a lot working against us.  This city has been kicked while it's down over and over and over and over.  Crime is high and the police numbers are pretty low.  Jobs are scarce.  The schools aren't great.

But.

There's something about the will to survive that gives a community a certain passion, a certain fight and drive that are lacking in places where circumstances might not be as tough.  Shared difficulty binds us together in a way that is hard to explain.

Not to mention.

I have found a lot to love about this place.  First of all, I love the people.  So many of them give me inspiration with their hope, with their ingenuity, with their kindness.  We have found many people in this place who love us and believe in us, and that is hard to put a price tag on.

Also.

Sure, the Flint schools are not doing that great.  But, it's amazing what people who believe in and love children can accomplish.  The charter school movement has been a huge boon in this community.  My own kids have benefited tremendously from a charter school that has dared to look at Flint's struggles and say, "Yah, but, those kids are valuable.  They represent all that's good about our future."  Then, there is the amazing Flint School of Performing Arts that sits in the cultural center less than a mile from my house.  It's amazing that we have it in this place, but it is one of the biggest and best conservatories of it's kind in the nation.  My children get to learn there.  I get to teach there.  Amazing.

So.

Despite the fact that I sometimes fall prey to the "grass is greener" monster for a day or two, I love this place and I'm staying.  We have fought for it long and hard, and we're not gonna stop now.

Body Worship

I expect to get a million hits today just because of my title. 

Honestly, I'm probably not far off the mark on that prediction.  This topic seems to be on the forefront of people's minds these days and quite frankly, it drives me nuts.  I mean, I remember being a teenager and being obsessed about my body.  It was probably even worse for me than the average teenager because I was a dancer. I lived a large part of my life in front of full length mirrors wearing only tights and a leotard. 

But, I also seem to remember that all of that angst used to be the territory of young people.  I mean, I certainly don't remember my Grandma worrying about her figure.  It would have been ridiculous to me if she had, her figure had nothing to do with how important she was in my life.  I can understand young people, who are still figuring life out, placing a lot of value on how awesome they look in a mini-skirt; but, aren't we supposed to grow up?

It has occurred to me that all of this body worship probably has a lot to do with how little we value and respect our elders these days.  I'll be honest, it kind of scares me sometimes to realize that I'm raising my kids at a time in history where the younger generation is so quick to think of their elders like yesterday's news.  Not only is the disrespect ugly, really ugly, but it also is robbing them of a wealth of information that the older generation possesses that could really be helpful to them.

But, maybe it isn't all the young people's fault?  Maybe we send the wrong message as adults when we try to look like we're 16?  Maybe all the (married) Moms I hear talking about how cute this or that boy toy is, or starving themselves in front of their daughters so that they can still be bone thin, don't help?  Maybe? 

*sigh*

Well, I'm gonna do my part.  In this family, we talk about respect and we practice it.  My children do not call adults by their first names.  If there are 5 chairs, 5 adults and a bunch of kids; guess who sits on the floor?  There are times when I excuse my children from the room because there is adult conversation going on and their age has not yet earned them a place at the table.

I will also show my daughters, by my example, that growing old isn't awful or something to be feared.  I am not as thin as I was when I walked down the aisle 15 years ago.  But, in those 15 years, I have gained what feels like a whole lifetime of knowledge, plus 5 wonderful kids.  I wouldn't trade all of that in for a younger body - no way.

The Ability to Laugh.

Did you ever stop to think about how wonderful it is to be able to laugh?  It really is great.  Just think about it - we live in this crazy , messed up world with a bunch of crazy, messed up stuff going on - but, in the midst of it we still have the ability to find humor in things.

In my mind it's kind of like an "in your face" to the circumstances that surround us.  My laughter and enjoyment of life may not have the ability to change things, but it does have the ability to lift me above it.  It does give me the power to look at difficulty and say, "You are there, yes, but you won't master me."

I am not among those who believe that humanity is basically bad.  Heck no.  I believe, with all my heart, that they are basically good.  I have encountered so many amazing people in my relatively short life - SO MANY.  Yes, I've encountered a few rotten apples too, but really they have been the minority.

Also, despite our current economic floundering, I still believe that we live in the greatest nation on the planet.  We have our flaws, I do hate this interminable war, and I have kinda lost my faith in both of our political parties, BUT I hold my head up proudly when I remember who is the first nation to rush to the aid of those who are in need.  It is not a weakness that we help, indeed it is one of our great strengths.

I've gone on and on enough about my family, that you know how I feel about them.  :)

Also, I hang onto this thought, it's found in the book of Romans (in the Bible)  chapter 8 and verse 31.  It simply says this, "If God is for us, who can be against us?"  I believe He is for us.  All of us.

So, with all of that knowledge, I can look at the passing problems in my life and know that they aren't the final answer.  It's not yet the end of the story.

And I'll be darned if I'm gonna wait until it all is perfect before I laugh.

Halloyuck.

I really don't like Halloween.  There have been groups of Christians that have been down on this particular holiday for years, but that's not why I don't like it.  I mean, I don't buy into the whole idea that if I let my kids dress up and collect candy that I somehow pay homage to the devil.  But...

I really don't like going into grocery stores and being accosted by headless, bloody mannequins.  I don't like driving past "Lucifer's Lair" everyday on my way to drop my kids off at school.  I don't like seeing rows and rows of size 2T  "Jason" and "evil witch" costumes.

We do participate in Halloween.  Truth be known, 4 out of my 5 kids would probably tell you that next to Christmas, it is their favorite holiday.  I mean, from a kid's perspective, it is pretty cool to get to play dress-up and have all your neighbors give you free candy for your efforts. It is pretty awesome to be able to go to school in your costume and have a parade.  So, I play along. 

I tell you what, though.  November 1st is one of my favorite days of the year.  I am so glad that we get Thanksgiving and Christmas to help scrub away all the Halloween yuck.