One Day at a Time...Sweet Jesus.

What?  This title sounds familiar?  Well, I guess that could be because this is the story of my life.

I have a lot of things, many things, a plethora of things in my life right now that require the "one day at a time" mantra.  Nic's school, my school (gulp), the kid's school and various activities (gulp times 5), work, house cleaning (ha), cooking, paying bills, trying to have fun while doing it all...these are all things that need to be done over and over and over and over for many years to come.  It is way too overwhelming to think about the ultimate goals.  They are way too far away and way too much has to happen between now and then in order for them all to be accomplished.  I need some caffeine in order to muster the brain power to fathom it all.

No.  I will only allow myself to think so far down the road, otherwise I will spontaneously combust.

So, it pays to remind myself, all the time, that the joy is in the journey.

The joy is in the journey.

The joy is in the journey.

Ok.  So, today I will just rejoice that I completed a math boot camp and then tested out of my math requirement completely.  I will rejoice that Nic has year 1 of his master's under his belt.  I will glory in the fact that my oldest kid has completed driver's ed.  That all of my kids are potty trained. (!) 

And I will remind myself that I get to do all of this with the people I love most.  That's what matters anyway  :)

Communication - at 1 AM.

My husband is a GREAT communicator.  No, he really is.  I have often had conversations with friends where they express frustration that their husband isn't good at talking to them, they have to drag things out of him, he doesn't even LIKE to talk, etc.  I love to encourage people about their marriages, to be able to say, "Hey, I understand... this is how we handle that... yep - we've been down that road" and stuff like that.  But, in regards to encouragement for this issue, I got nothin'.  Your husband doesn't talk much?  I can't relate.

So, it shouldn't surprise me, then, that my youngest son - aka my husband's "mini-me" - inherited this trait.  He also inherited his Dad's night owl which will be a huge battle come Septemeber 4th, but I digress.  Anyway, Nic is currently out of town for a week of residency at his master's program and so I am enjoying having the bed all to myself.  Sort of.  Last night, around 1 am, Pierce crawled in bed with me.  He hadn't been asleep yet (I am not lying about the night owl business) and was needing to talk about his "nervous."

I am not a night owl.  At all.  But, in keeping with trying to be a good Mom and all that, I made myself wake up and listen.  "What are you nervous about, buddy?"

"Well, I just don't think I'm ready to handle Kindergarten.  I mean, what if there are bad kids in my class?  I will probably miss my teacher from young 5's.  How will I buy lunch if I don't have money?  Who will I sit with at lunch?  What if I don't want to play what the other kids are playing at recess?  Also, even when I tell my heart that you will pick me up pretty soon, it still misses you."

OMG.  I am GLAD that I never have to wonder what is bothering my son, but are you kidding me???  At 1 am???  7 weeks before school starts???

But, I could hear the earnestness in his little voice, so we talked.  About all of it.  By the end, he seemed reasonably comforted and was finally able to fall asleep.

But then I was wide awake and just laid there for a while listening to him breathe.  It is a tricky business, this parenting.  That is a PERSON laying there next to me, and 4 others sleeping peacefully at other places in the house.  They are so intricate.  So individual.  So amazing.  So complicated.  It is so overwhelming to try to guide them.

It drives me to my knees and makes me so grateful that I'm not trying to do this alone.  Nope, the creator of the universe is also the creator of each of them and He will show us the way.











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The Silver Lining

I'm sure if we are friends on facebook, you already know about the "Great Power Outage of 2012."  But, I'm going to talk about it anyway.  :)

We took a little family vacation up to Caseville last week and returned home Thursday around 11:00 in the morning.  The family that watched our house had already texted me to let me know that there had been a storm and the power was out.  I was mildly irritated, but was doing a pretty good job of keeping my happy on.

We got home and unloaded, got Reagan off to start her first day of dance intensive and then I called Consumers.  "Our best estimate of power restoration is Sunday, July 8th at 11:30 pm."  I did a mental double-take.  "Sunday night?!  As in 3 1/2 days from now?!!  It's supposed to be 100 degrees for the next 3 days!!  We all need a shower!!  All of our laundry is full of sand!!  I want to make some coffee!!  Waaa, waaa, waaa!!"  Of course, the automated person at Consumers didn't care about my need for coffee and presumably didn't mind that we were all covered in beach funk.  That's the nice thing about electronic people, they don't judge.

So, I tried (probably unsuccessfully) to break the news to the kids gently.  Then, I broke out my phone and griped to the one place that might care - facebook.

We went out for dinner and when we returned, I had a fb message from a friend I had seen one time in the past ten years.  "Come over!!  We have plenty of room!  And a big washer and dryer!  And A/C!"  Now, this friend has 4 kids.  We have 5.  Did I mention I have seen her ONCE in the last 10 years?  But, no matter, we packed up our kids and dirty laundry, left the dogs plently of food and water and headed out to their house.

I can see the wheels in your brain working over-time.  "I can't believe you did that.  Wouldn't that be so awkward?  What if your kids, who have really never met, don't get along?  That's kinda crazy."  Well, maybe you have never come home from vacation in 100 degree weather and had no power.  It brings out all kinds of crazy, let me tell ya...

But, here's what happened.  We had a wonderful time with them.  They have a son who is right in between Carter and Pierce in age - the 3 of them took off like old pals and we literally almost never saw them.  Our girls meshed nicely with theirs.  Liz and I and Roger and Nic took up like we had just seen each other at church last week.  We felt perfectly comfortable, welcome and were sad to go when we got news that our power had come back on Saturday afternoon. 

It was an amazing silver lining in that cloud.  I will always have fond memories of the "Great Power Outage of 2012," and, from now on, we will certainly make the effort to get together with the Conn's more than once every 10 years.  :)

I think Summer is FINALLY here...

Yah, yah, we have been out of school for two weeks already, but what a 2 weeks it has been!  We were just as busy, maybe busier, than we were at the end of school.  But, life happens like that sometimes and you just have to do what you have to do.  I have been soooo looking forward to today though...the beginning of relative quiet and calm for a few weeks.

Once when I just had the girls, I heard a Mom of older kids make the comment that she wished her kids were little again so she could actually stay at home and get something done.  I smiled politely, but inwardly I was seething.  Apparently, she doesn't remember what it's like to have a gaggle of small children at home, I thought huffily.  Get something done indeed!  I can't even go to the bathroom by myself! 

Now, I get exactly what she meant.  During the school year, it is unheard of that I stay at home all day.  It literally never happens and often I have to pick up and leave the house 3, 4, 5 or more times to get the kids where they need to be and keep up with all that is required of me to run this house.  Let me tell ya, it is HARD to focus on finishing a task when you are constantly required to stop and leave the house.  So, I apologize to that Mom so long ago for my internal snarkiness - you were so right, dear lady.

So, summer is amazing for me.  I only work for 2 weeks out of the summer and those 2 weeks don't start until the middle of July.  I am blessed with kids who sleep in - and I mean until 10 or 11.  I actually have extended time to just be quiet, to reflect, to pray, to get myself ready for the next marathon (school year).

I am really trying to impress this idea on my kids too.  Yes, we do some fun things during the summer, but I bristle at the notion that they need to be entertained every second of every day.  Actually, I think that is an awful idea - for anybody, but especially for kids.  They need to learn to think their own thoughts, to be comfortable being quiet.  They need some time to think about how they fit into the universe and to be amazed at grass, flowers, the sun, the breeze.

"I am bored," is rarely heard in this house; not because nobody ever is, but because they know they won't get any sympathy from me.  No.  They will hear, "Good.  There's nothing wrong with being bored.  Go lay down and think. Pray. Just be." 

Life in this day and age is busy, there is no way around it.  It is so important to take those moments of peace and reflection whenever you get them.

The Gift of Education

So, I'm starting to fill out the reams of paperwork that I will have to fill out for 4 out of my 5 kids to start new schools in the fall.  Sure, it can get pretty monotonous to fill out the same info over and over and over again, (how many times do I need to write my address??) but mostly as I write, I'm just grateful.

The education system in America gets a bad rap, but my experiences with it thus far have been 95% positive.  I do not regret the homeschooling that I have done, and there could be another year or two of it for this child or that one in the future; but it is an amazing thing to be able to enroll my child in a school.  As a young homeschooling Mom, I was pretty sure that the public schools were on their way to becoming big brother, but I now I view them as a HUGE help to me in my job as the educator of my children.

Yes.  I am still the educator of my children and I recognize that the responsibility of their education falls on my shoulders.  Actually, that thought is part of what brought me to the place that I put my kids in school.  I did an assessment of what I was offering them at home and realized that in some ways, they were missing out. 

*Disclaimer*  I know many of you who read my blog are homeschoolers.  Please know that I completely respect and support your decision to homeschool and am sure that your kids are getting what they need.  That was not a statement about homeschool in general, it was a statement about me.

I am just not that Mom.  You know, the super creative one who has all kinds of great ideas about how to make learning fun.  I enjoy being with my kids, but the added responsibility of being the only one to make sure they are getting the 3 R's is a bit much for me.  I am all about helping with homework, as long as I'm not the one who assigned it in the first place.

Not to mention that schools teach so much more than the 3 R's these days.  As we were touring McKinley's new school yesterday, the principal took us into the media center and proceeded to explain that they broadcast  morning anouncements into each classroom  on a t.v. screen every morning.  The KIDS run the cameras, act as the anchors and broadcast the live anouncements.  I was astounded.  I can't wait for her to get to be a part of that.

As we did a visit of Carter's new class last week, we discovered that each year the kids in that particular class raise salmon.  They also care for a guinea pig and a garden.  They do math in such a way that each student works at their own level.  And they took in excess of 20 field trips last year - one of which had them spending the night in a tall ship.  My kid gets to do this?  For free?  Sign me up.

Then, there was the staggering list of offerings at the new middle and high school the older girls will be attending.  I was so excited about all the opportunites that it almost made me cry.  Education is a gift indeed.

So, I will fill out form after form after form after form...and I will be happy to do it.  :)

Pre-Emptive Heart Breaking..

I don't know what it is with me, but I have the tendency to do some seriously premature emotional preparation for things.  For instance, when Kennedy was about 10 weeks old, we attended a wedding.  During the Daddy/Daughter dance at the reception, I bawled my eyes thinking of her upcoming marriage - you know, in 25 years or so.  With that one, I could get away with calling it "post-partum", but that excuse isn't going to work for this one.

Over the last several months, as is customary for us and just about every other family on the planet, I have been getting ready for school in the fall.  Around about January the questions start.  "How has this year been?"  "How is everyone doing?"  "Is anyone going to need to be homeschooled next year?"  "Do we need to make any changes?"  And so on.  Now that it's May, we pretty much have next year mapped out, and so I am done with the research/planning part and ready to move on to the reality part.

Wait, you say.  It isn't even summer.  Why are you thinking about the fall??  *sigh*  I wish I knew.  It's just the way I roll.

Anyway, we were driving to school this morning - me and the 4 older kids - and everyone was rejoicing that we only have 19 days of school left!!!  Then, all of a sudden I felt like crying.  Because, in the fall, it will be me and all 5 kids driving to school in the morning.  My little red-head won't still be sleeping in his bed at home waiting to be awakened around 9:00, putz around the house, watch some shows, play with some toys, eat lunch and go to "school" for a half day at 11:30.

No, he will join the ranks of the others.  Backpack with a lunch box or lunch money ("how will I buy lunch, Mom?"  he wondered the other day.  "I don't have any money.")  Gym clothes and shoes.  School supplies.  Friends.  A little shredding of the apron strings.  Get me a kleenex.

Sure, all of my other kids have crossed this milestone already (although 3 of them didn't do it in Kindergarten...), but if you're a Mom, you already know that when the baby crosses it, it carries a little more weight in your heart.  (To my other kids who might be reading this, don't take that wrong, you all carry the same amount of weight in my heart - it's just a timing issue.)  :)

I suppose it could be the gift of God to me that I have this propensity.  You see, by the time September 4th actually rolls around, I will be ready.  I will have gone through all of my grieving and self-reflection. (Is this the right choice?  Can he really handle it?  Will Kindergarten turn him into an axe-murderer?)  I will then be ready to be be strong for him, and for the rest of my kids who all have big changes coming in the fall.  When they have a rough day, I'll be able to encourage them that it's just a bump in the road, that it happens to everyone, that they are up to the challenge, that they can do it.

I guess it's good.  But, today, it doesn't feel like it.

Sacred Cows and Why We Like Them.

I have a theory on why we, as people, hold so tightly to our sacred cows.  The flavor of cow doesn't matter so much as the reason we hang on so tightly; so I'm not going to address any specific cow, but just their existence in general.

I think that we go through a bunch of stages of growth, not only in our body, but also in our minds.  Ok, I know that we do.  What I think, is that I'm starting to see some patterns.  We start out knowing nothing and in our early years our opinions and attitudes are formed largely by those who take care of us.  We learn from them because they love us (hopefully) and we have no reason to not believe what they tell us.  They seem to have life all figured out and we assume they know all the answers.

It doesn't take long for this to start to change, although the change happens gradually.  First, it is the realization that we are our own person.  Second, the somewhat scary notion arises that perhaps, our caretakers don't have all the answers.  Third, we figure out they have none of the answers (know any teenagers?)  Then, we step out and begin to explore on our own.

I really think that the attitude with which this exploration is met is pivotal in our later handling of sacred cows.  If, for instance, you have an authority figure, parent, teacher, etc who encourages your personal discovery, you are less likely to have a strangle hold on said cow.  But, if you are made to feel ashamed or if your exploration is met with fea or anger by those guiding you, then the cows take on a life of their own.

Why?  Because we all want to be accepted.  If exploration of different ideas about things is reacted to in a very strong negative way, many people will back off and simply adopt the cows common to their culture for the sake of belonging.  Then, when another person tries to kick the cow down, or even just give it a good once over, the owner of the cow feels that their very security is being threatened. 

So, to state it simply, we protect those cows because we're afraid.  We're afraid that if they get knocked down, our whole identity and security goes down with them.

This is what I have discovered.  I am not one with my sacred cows.  I am a person in my own right and whether I cling to the cow or not, it does not define me.  I may have grown up feeling very strongly about something - because those guiding me held certain convictions - and come to find out that I actually feel exactly the opposite way about it.

This is ok.  It is not a slap in the face of those who raised me and nurtured me.  No, it is actually a testament to their bravery and lack of fear as they carried out that job.

Question away, Mihailoff kids, I'm not afraid of your questions.  Your place in my heart is quite secure whether you like my cows or not.  :)