In The Whisper

I was driving Pierce to school this morning and he turned to me and asked, "Mom, what has been the busiest year of your life?"
I thought hard trying to pinpoint one, but I finally said, "Gosh honey, I dont know, I feel like I've been busy for a looonnnggg time."
He sighed.  This has been his busiest year so far, he shared, and he is wondering how to handle it, and if it will ever get better.

It was not lost on me that I was having this conversation with my 13 year old 7th grader.  Did I wonder these things at his age?  I don't think I did.  I think life is more fast paced now than it used to be and that pressure affects younger people more than it used to.  The voices in society (made louder by constant online access) scream at us to work harder, do better, prioritize, rest, exercise, eat well, have meaningful relationships, drink water, eat organic, for gosh sake DO IT ALL AND DO IT BETTER.

It's exhausting.

I was so glad to be able to share with him that although his life will probably always be busy, there is a place he can go for relief. 

"...but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper."  I Kings 19:12

When life rises up and seems like it is too much and you feel you will cave under the pressure, I told him, you just need to take a minute and listen for the whisper.

God didn't promise a lack of storms, He just promised to be present in them.  To uphold us, encourage us, strengthen us and see us through to the other side. Every. Single. Time.

I am a little sad that my kids are growing up in such a tumultuous time, but I am so happy to be able to point them to where peace is - just follow the whisper, my 13 year old, He will never let you down.  💜

The Most Important 30 Minutes of the Day

I was reminded again the other night what the most important 30 minutes of the day is - probably most of you know without me saying it - it's family dinnertime.

When I was a mom of very young children, I sort of had the wrong idea about this.  Sure, we ate dinner together almost everyday, but I thought it had more to do with WHAT was on the table.  As the years have passed, I have realized that has nothing to do with it really.  We could be eating a beautiful Thanksgiving dinner with all the fancy dishes and decorations or we could be eating soup and grilled cheese on paper plates - what matters is WHO is at the table and the relationships that are being built there.

As my kids are growing and going, I am ever so grateful that we placed a priority on family dinner.  We don't have a perfect track record - there were many, many nights when we weren't all there - but we would always do our best to reconnect with whoever the absent party or parties were when they got back from their late night activity - save them a plate, get the rundown of their day for a few minutes while they ate, hopefully remind them that when life is tough and busy that they always have a place to come and decompress and be loved.

This year, although we still have 3 at home (Kennedy started her first post-college job in Williamsburg and Reagan is a Junior at Radford University), they are older and busy. McKinley is a senior with a job, a car,  and multiple extracurricular activities.  Carter is a sophomore who runs cross country everyday after school and never misses an opportunity to be with his friends.  Pierce is a 7th grader, but he started military school this year - he and Nic walk out my door at 6:20 every morning!  The boys at Fishburne kick off the day with 45 minutes of PT (physical training) BEFORE breakfast.  Nobody gets here before 5:00 (holy long day for the 7th grader) and everyone is tired when they do make it home.

We have taken to eating dinner on the couches because our bodies need to relax, and some days what I manage to dish up is not all that exciting because I work full time too and meal prep has never been my strong suit.  BUT, how good it is for all of our souls to sit there with each other for half an hour and reconnect - we are feeding our bodies, but the soul food is just as important.

If you are tempted to give up this time because it seems impossible - DON'T.  You will be so, so glad to have these memories.  Happy New School Year friends!!!  💕

Snow Day Thoughts

The last few weeks of my life have been extremely busy and anything but ordinary.  The events and things that have been going on aren't mine to share, but they have prompted lots of deep thinking.

I am typically pretty circumspect anyway - as I think most people of my personality type are, but sometimes it gets kicked into high gear.  So, since we have a snow day and I am enjoying a much needed day off, I thought I would share.

There is a verse in Deuteronomy 29:29 and it reads:

"Some things are hidden.  They belong to the Lord our God."

We don't like this thought, we humans, especially we Americans. "What do you mean hidden?  That doesn't seem fair.  I have the right to know!!"  We don't appreciate hidden things. We want to search things out.  We want to be well informed.  We want to understand.  We want to do all of these things, I think, because it gives us the illusion that we are in control.

The older I get, the more I realize that is not the case.  But, here is another thing I have realized.  It's not as scary to not be in control as I once thought.  In a way, it is somewhat comforting to release my death - like grip of being in charge. 

It's kind of like the Doc Holiday quote in Tombstone:

"There is no good life or bad life, Wyatt.  There's just life."

Huh.

My prayer is that as I walk through this life, I will live it to the fullest, love the most, enjoy the good, grow through the bad, be a blessing whenever and to whomever I can, and to relax into the steady hand of the lover of my soul.

💕   

Thankful for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday.  I do love Christmas too, but let's be real, Moms - it's a lot of work to be Santa.  Thanksgiving is just spending time together and all you really have to do is cook a turkey. #easy

Since we have lived in Virginia, our Thanksgiving holidays have been just the 7 of us - Michigan and New Mexico are a long way to travel for a 4 day weekend - and I have come to really enjoy this time with just our family.

Yesterday though, we were invited to go to some friend's for the day and that was great too - laid back, relaxing, good food.  It's just my favorite day.

As we all sat around yesterday afternoon, I was watching all the kids -ours and theirs - and thought what a wonder it is to watch them all grow.  There is just nothing that compares.

I used to think that I would be really sad as my kids grew and spread their wings.  Now, true that I am not facing an empty nest quite yet, but so far this sadness has not materialized.  I actually love to watch my kids as they journey into adulthood.  It is gratifying to watch them take on the world and I am still their Mom - sure, my role is different, but would I really want that not to be the case?

I've heard many parents say things like "oh, if only they were little again," or "if I could just pause time right now."  I understand the sentiment, but I honestly don't think anyone really means it.  Our kids are meant to grow and move on, we would be beyond sad if something stopped that normal progression of life for them.

I think what people really mean when they make comments like that is "I miss them."

Yes.  Me too.

That's why I'm thankful for Thanksgiving.  :)

"Just a Mom"

I heard this phrase a few weeks back.  I was chatting with a group of ladies and everyone was talking about their occupation.  There were some impressive answers:  Nurse.  Teacher.  Sales Manager.  Entrepreneur.  Then one of the ladies said, somewhat apologetically and sheepishly, "Oh! You all are amazing!  I'm just a Mom."  The other women answered kindly and not at all condescendingly.  One of them even said, "Well, then you are the hardest worker here!"  But, I could tell that "just a Mom" wasn't altogether convinced.

I do not at all think that the other women were being disingenuous, but I found myself wondering; at what point in time did we start to feel the need to defend our choice to be "just a Mom?" 

I was a stay at home Mom for 17 years.  It was my choice and had always been one of the biggest dreams of my heart.  I now work outside the home, but those original thoughts and desires I had have not changed.

I really like my job.  I love the people I work with and I feel that we are doing important work for our community.  But, if we were just meeting and you asked me about myself, the first thing out of my mouth wouldn't be, "I'm a dental assistant."  I would say, "I have been married for 22 years and we have 5 wonderful kids - I love being a wife and a Mom!"  It doesn't bother me at all to be identified by the role I hold in the lives of my family.  Actually, I feel there is no greater privilege.

There is no question, no question, that women are capable of any career out there.  I am glad that we have made such progress as a society in our view of women.  I just hope we haven't veered into the ditch on the other side of the road.  Yes, women, you should absolutely follow the dreams in your heart - you can do whatever you set your mind to.  But, if what you really want to do is stay at home with your own children and you are able to do so - don't you dare let society look down on you. 

Don't you dare look down on yourself. 

Here is a quote from G.K. Chesterton that hits the nail on the head:

“To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labours, and holidays; to be Whitely within a certain area, providing toys, boots, cakes and books; to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene; I can imagine how this can exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman's function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.”

Indeed.

In Solidarity: To my Fellow Modern Day Parents

You know where I am right now?  I am sitting in a parking lot waiting for my son to finish football practice.  Like most of you, I worked all day, rushed home, picked him and his sister up, dropped him off, dropped her off, and now I’m sitting in this parking lot because there is no point in going home before I have to come back and pick him up.

I know others of you are doing the same thing, because I see you sitting in your cars right next to me.

Also, if you are like me, you probably have heard your fair share of how bad it is that we do all of this running around and it would be so much better if the kids just ran and played outside like they used to.

Listen.  I’m not exactly arguing that point.  But, I am saying - to the parents of yesteryear - and the voices that condemn all things parenting in the year 2018: that is not the way things are now.

I’m sure it was great when all the neighborhood kids played a game of baseball together until the street lights came on, but today if I want my kids to play sports, interact with their peers and learn some life lessons (which I do); I have to sign them up, pay a fee and take them to practices.  And games.  And volunteer.

And even if everyone only does 1 thing, all the things have multiple days and most of us have multiple children and, there ya go...we are all sitting here in our cars.

But, I feel solidarity with you, my fellow car sitters.  I feel proud to be with you.

We are making the best choices we can for our kids in the day they are growing up in.

We aren’t sitting in these cars because we don’t care.

 We’re sitting here because we do.

End of Summer Musings

It is the last week before the kids go back to school and also my vacation week.  We have stayed home this week because we have basically had a summer of mini-vacations. We didn't all go together or at the same time, but we have had some awesome fun and been pretty busy.

We all made it out to New Mexico and all of my kids finally got to meet my Grandma.:)  Reagan went to Michigan and Kennedy is on her way there now.  McKinley and I went to Atlanta.  Kennedy and I went to New York.  Nic and the boys went to New York.  Reagan and I still have a day trip planned to New York.  Free flights are cool, but travel is also kind of exhausting.

So.  We decided to take it easy this week - hang out, swim, back to school shop, sleep in.  I've heard the word bored a time or two, but it hasn't been from my lips. 

Time like this is rare for me and sooo rejuvenating.  I've had lots of time to sit and think and journal and consider the upcoming year. 

Kennedy is getting ready to start her SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE.  Dang.  She will likely move to a bigger city after graduation in order to intern in her chosen field for a year or two so that she more clearly knows what to pursue in grad school.  I am impressed with the way she tackles life - hasn't been easy, but she's no quitter.

Reagan will be a sophomore at Radford University and, in keeping with the way she rolls, her fall schedule is enough to make me cower in a corner.  18 credit hours, peer mentor job and all the performances she is required to participate in on top of it.  She wouldn't have it any other way.

McKinley - a junior this year.  Her class schedule is jam packed and she will be working part time and participating in extra curriculars as well.  Thoughts of what comes after high school are on the forefront of her mind all the time, and it really is right around the corner.

Carter is a freshman. In highschool.  He eats, sleeps and breathes lacrosse and Pokemon Go. He is the boy version of Reagan and requires lots of social interaction.  I took him school clothes shopping and he picked out a shirt with roses on it, which is apparently a thing boys wear now.   He is turning into a young man at lightning speed.

Pierce is about to make his first step into the halls of the middle school as a student.  He has found all of his classes, met all his teachers, conquered the opening of his locker and is all set to play the saxophone in the band and flag football.

I am still enjoying my job and am beyond grateful for it.  Nic is working at the airport and handling our growing lacrosse program.  Our life is full, busy, we are blessed.

There are things I could point out that aren't perfect, of course.  I know I am no different than any of you - there are setbacks, frustrations, daily battles.  But, I choose to look at the good - there is so much of it.  I also choose to live in today.  Today, I have daily bread, a home, a beautiful family, my health.  Yes, tomorrow will have it's challenges and there are things that I'm not quite sure how they will work out.

But, this I know.

He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  He has seen ahead to what tomorrow holds and has provided.  He is the way maker.  He is my peace and comfort.  He never fails.