Hold on Loosely

Well, it's no secret to any of you that we have officially dropped our oldest daughter off at college.

I'm not sure how I expected to feel at this stage of life, but the reality is kind of surreal.

I will miss her - yes!!  But, I'm so excited for her!!  I feel like she's ready to face the next part of life and do it successfully.  That's a good parenting feeling. :)

As the other 4 headed back to school on Wednesday, I was trapped in the feeling of "hovering over my life."  I felt like I was observing our comings and goings as a spectator - this happens to you, right??  I'm not crazy??

Anyway, crazy or not, the feeling has lingered and I have been struck with how little control I really have of things.  Sure, the 4 younger kids are still living under our roof, but time marches on.  Just as surely as Kennedy stepped into the next chapter of her life, they all will do the same. I don't feel like it's gonna happen tomorrow or anything, we still have 10 years until the last kid graduates; but the thought does give me pause.

My job is to love fiercely, but hold on loosely.

These are MY kids...but really, they are HIS kids.

I will hold their hand for as long as I can, but my job is to transfer their hand from mine to God's.  After all, He's the omnipotent one, He will truly always be there for them.

Last night, I was talking to Pierce (who, as usual, is struggling with heading back to school) and I made a comment about Jesus always being with him.  He said, "Well, if He is always with me, why can't you be?"

Ah, there's the rub.  Because I can't buddy.  I'm just a human.  I love you like no other human on the planet, but I'm just a human.

Oh, the amazing peace that comes from knowing He will never leave them.  I'm not afraid to hold on loosely because I know they are tight in the arms of the lover of their soul.

Selah.