8...that is the number of nights I have left to sleep in this house. The number of nights I have left to be a Michigan resident.
You might expect that I would be a hurricane of emotions right about now, but no. Actually, I feel like nothing is changing and that all of this talk about moving is just that. Of course, I know that's not true. I know that I have boxes everywhere, my kids are sleeping on mattresses on the floor because we already packed their bed frames and that 1/3 of my belongings are already waiting for me at a house in Virginia that I have yet to see...but, that info just hasn't registered in my emotion center yet.
I'm sure that is partially because it is my brain's way of buffering me against the approaching shock and it is partially because that's just how I am wired. I am what you might call "even keel." I think first and feel later. I think for most of my life that has lead people to believe that I am not really an emotional being, so I want to take a moment to clear up that misconception.
Though I may not show it in a way that you are used to seeing, I do feel things very deeply. I'm not prone to jump up and down with excitement or wear sack cloth and ashes when I'm sad, but I go through all the same stages of feelings. I know that in a couple of weeks, when I am at the new house and Kennedy is off at band camp with people we just met and I'm sitting alone for a minute with a cup of coffee; then it will hit me. The magnitude of moving will overwhelm me. I know it's coming, but I learned years ago that I can't change the timing. I am who I am.
So, for those of you who are going to be able to come next Saturday to our farewell party, please don't be offended if I seem aloof. I love all of you so much. I will miss you terribly. It's just that my feelings won't know it until a few weeks from now. And then I will get on here and tell you all about it. Thank God for the internet...