I have gotten much better at living "in the moment" with my kids over the years. Somewhere along the way I realized that there would never come a time where every little thing in life was perfect and so I was free to enjoy them...no, every little thing will never be perfect. If I don't enjoy them now, I will miss it. I've understood that for many years now about my kids, but just recently, maybe even just today, I realized that my relationship with God is the exact same way.
He is with me in the moment. His "job", if you will, is not to make sure that everything in my life is amazing and wonderful and never difficult (just as that is not my job with my kids), it is to be with me every moment. YES, He will help me and guide me and direct me and take care of me, and certainly His ability to do all of those things is infinitely greater than my ability to do it with my own kids, but His greatest promise is to always be there.
I have so much comfort from that thought today.
Whatever is waiting for me tomorrow, God already knows and He's already in my tomorrow making a way where there seems to be no way. Making crooked places straight. Making paths in the wilderness and streams in the desert. The paths and streams and answers He is busy working out may not be the way I want or when I want or look pretty on the outside, but they are there without fail.
I suppose I have sometimes feared that I am close to the end of using up the available grace. That perhaps I have needed help just one time too often. But today the gentle voice whispers in my spirit, "I am more than enough. Always. My grace is sufficient for you. Forever."
I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. And He is more than enough.
Family 2015
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
As You Walk by the way...
I was going to start this blog out with the question, "have you ever felt like you weren't doing a good job teaching your kids about God?" Then, I realized that would be a waste of space. Of course you have...so have I.
When Kennedy and Reagan were still preschool age and McKinley was a baby, I suddenly had this panicky feeling that I was losing time. I had heard that everything a child needs to know they learn before Kindergarten and that most adults with a vibrant faith acquired it well before their teenage years. Obviously, it was time to get busy. So, I decided that we would have a devotion at dinner time every night. You know, we would all sit peacefully around the table and discuss spiritual matters, pray for each other, Dad would give a Bible lesson and everything would be wonderful.
You know how that worked out.
It didn't. It was terrible. It felt forced. The kids were disinterested. The husband just wanted to eat his dinner without having to preach. And I was sure that we were failing miserably at the most important part of parenting.
I tried a different approach - bedtime! That will be awesome, it will be part of our "nighttime routine." They will get in their jammies, brush teeth and climb in bed. We will read a Bible story, teach them to pray, sing a hymn or two.
Nope.
Breakfast then?
Not a chance.
How about right before dinner?
Awful.
If you don't know me well, let me tell ya, I am not an organized, scheduled, have all my ducks in a row kind of person. When I was considering adding devotion time to the bedtime routine, I had to admit to myself that we had no bedtime routine. Ditto with breakfast. Ditto with ever being able to expect anything in our house to happen at the same time every day, ever. It's just not how we are.
Then, it dawned on me. Was my own relationship with the Lord based on my predictable, routine quiet time every morning? You know the answer. Not in a million years. No, it's more like I just talk to Him as I go about my day. I journal when I have something to journal about. I have quiet time at all different times, on all different days. My relationship with the Lord isn't like a slice of pie - all segmented and put in it's proper place - it is an ingredient in the whole pie.
And, you know what? It totally works for me.
Then I relaxed and a cool thing happened (and continues to happen). As we go about our days, the topic of God and how we go about living for and with Him just comes up naturally and we talk about it as it does. When someone is having a problem, we bring God in on it. We wrestle with issues and we don't worry when our kids ask questions or struggle with their faith. We trust that as they seek truth, they will find it. They will find Him.
And who knew? It turns out my amazing idea on how to teach kids about God was actually in the Bible:
"Impress these things on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:7
:)
When Kennedy and Reagan were still preschool age and McKinley was a baby, I suddenly had this panicky feeling that I was losing time. I had heard that everything a child needs to know they learn before Kindergarten and that most adults with a vibrant faith acquired it well before their teenage years. Obviously, it was time to get busy. So, I decided that we would have a devotion at dinner time every night. You know, we would all sit peacefully around the table and discuss spiritual matters, pray for each other, Dad would give a Bible lesson and everything would be wonderful.
You know how that worked out.
It didn't. It was terrible. It felt forced. The kids were disinterested. The husband just wanted to eat his dinner without having to preach. And I was sure that we were failing miserably at the most important part of parenting.
I tried a different approach - bedtime! That will be awesome, it will be part of our "nighttime routine." They will get in their jammies, brush teeth and climb in bed. We will read a Bible story, teach them to pray, sing a hymn or two.
Nope.
Breakfast then?
Not a chance.
How about right before dinner?
Awful.
If you don't know me well, let me tell ya, I am not an organized, scheduled, have all my ducks in a row kind of person. When I was considering adding devotion time to the bedtime routine, I had to admit to myself that we had no bedtime routine. Ditto with breakfast. Ditto with ever being able to expect anything in our house to happen at the same time every day, ever. It's just not how we are.
Then, it dawned on me. Was my own relationship with the Lord based on my predictable, routine quiet time every morning? You know the answer. Not in a million years. No, it's more like I just talk to Him as I go about my day. I journal when I have something to journal about. I have quiet time at all different times, on all different days. My relationship with the Lord isn't like a slice of pie - all segmented and put in it's proper place - it is an ingredient in the whole pie.
And, you know what? It totally works for me.
Then I relaxed and a cool thing happened (and continues to happen). As we go about our days, the topic of God and how we go about living for and with Him just comes up naturally and we talk about it as it does. When someone is having a problem, we bring God in on it. We wrestle with issues and we don't worry when our kids ask questions or struggle with their faith. We trust that as they seek truth, they will find it. They will find Him.
And who knew? It turns out my amazing idea on how to teach kids about God was actually in the Bible:
"Impress these things on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 6:7
:)
Friday, March 7, 2014
"Do or Do Not. There is No Try."
The older I get, the more I realize how wise Yoda actually was...
I love to hear people's stories of how they have triumphed over something in their lives - be it illness, relationship issues, addiction, money trouble, etc - I love to hear how they stood firm and ultimately broke on through to the other side. The Bible is full of these tales - Moses, Noah, Joseph, Peter, Paul - just to name a few.
But, there is one problem.
It doesn't take long to tell a story. No matter if the problem persisted in the person's life for weeks, months, years or decades, it only takes a few minutes to tell. Maybe I'm alone, but that has messed me up in the past.
I would face a problem in my own life armed with the stories of other's victories and think, "I can do this! I just need to apply a little tenacity and pretty soon it will be all over."
That "pretty soon" gets me every time.
Did you know that from the time Joseph's brother tossed him into that cistern to the time that Pharoah placed the ring on his finger was 20 years? 20 YEARS. How about Moses? From the time he knew he was the deliverer until he lead the children of Israel across the Red Sea was 40 years. That means if he fled Egypt and went to Midian when I was born, he is just now leading the people through on dry ground. Noah spent 120 years building that boat. It just took you a few seconds to read those words, but let them make an impact on your soul. They walked through those trials moment by moment, minute by minute, hour by hour. I am sure they all had times when they felt like throwing in the towel - "that's it! I tried it! I tried to believe God, to hang in there, to keep my chin up!! It doesn't work!!"
No. That's the wrong way to look at it.
Do or Do Not. There is No Try.
All of those people whose stories we love to hear, they just kept on marching. They didn't know where they were in the process or when they would ultimately overcome. They just kept on going. And going. And going.
I didn't say they always felt like it. I'm sure they didn't. But, they kept going.
I don't know when, my friends, but one day someone is going to be reading or listening to my story and being all inspired. They will. Because I am not going to quit.
I love to hear people's stories of how they have triumphed over something in their lives - be it illness, relationship issues, addiction, money trouble, etc - I love to hear how they stood firm and ultimately broke on through to the other side. The Bible is full of these tales - Moses, Noah, Joseph, Peter, Paul - just to name a few.
But, there is one problem.
It doesn't take long to tell a story. No matter if the problem persisted in the person's life for weeks, months, years or decades, it only takes a few minutes to tell. Maybe I'm alone, but that has messed me up in the past.
I would face a problem in my own life armed with the stories of other's victories and think, "I can do this! I just need to apply a little tenacity and pretty soon it will be all over."
That "pretty soon" gets me every time.
Did you know that from the time Joseph's brother tossed him into that cistern to the time that Pharoah placed the ring on his finger was 20 years? 20 YEARS. How about Moses? From the time he knew he was the deliverer until he lead the children of Israel across the Red Sea was 40 years. That means if he fled Egypt and went to Midian when I was born, he is just now leading the people through on dry ground. Noah spent 120 years building that boat. It just took you a few seconds to read those words, but let them make an impact on your soul. They walked through those trials moment by moment, minute by minute, hour by hour. I am sure they all had times when they felt like throwing in the towel - "that's it! I tried it! I tried to believe God, to hang in there, to keep my chin up!! It doesn't work!!"
No. That's the wrong way to look at it.
Do or Do Not. There is No Try.
All of those people whose stories we love to hear, they just kept on marching. They didn't know where they were in the process or when they would ultimately overcome. They just kept on going. And going. And going.
I didn't say they always felt like it. I'm sure they didn't. But, they kept going.
I don't know when, my friends, but one day someone is going to be reading or listening to my story and being all inspired. They will. Because I am not going to quit.
Friday, January 17, 2014
The Gradual Epiphany
I was going to come on here and say that I had an epiphany today, but that's not exactly right. What occurred to me has occurred to me before...it's just that I feel like I understand it a little better every time it makes a comeback...so, I dub it the "gradual epiphany."
Here it is.
I cannot control how my children experience life. (I know, it's mind-boggling).
Before we moved, I felt very responsible to make the transition as easy on the kids as possible. I did not (bless the Lord) make the grave mistake of telling them that everything would be wonderful all the time - that life would magically become amazing as soon as we got to Virginia. No. I was pretty honest about there being difficult times and taking time to adjust, etc. I did, however, take the burden of their emotional response onto my own shoulders. In fact, I recently realized that I have been doing this for most of their lives.
Somewhere along the way, I got the idea that if something difficult was going on in one of their lives, my job was, not necessarily to make it better (because, let's be honest, I had to admit early on that that can't always be done), but at least to make it FEEL better.
That seems reasonable, I mean what parent likes to see their child sad or upset or overwhelmed or stressed out?
But, trying to magically fix their emotions: 1. doesn't work, 2. makes them feel bad for having emotions in the first place, and 3. doesn't make the problem go away.
The high school the girls go to does block scheduling, so that basically means that they get 4 brand new classes at the semester. Originally, I thought it was pretty cool and it is... on paper. But, what I didn't realize was that meant they would essentially have another first day of school in January. New schedule, new teachers, different lunch...starting over.
It wasn't as hard as the first day of school in August, but yesterday was a pretty rough day. I learned, though, between then and now. Back in August, I was all in cheerleader mode, "it wasn't so bad! you don't feel nervous or scared! pretty soon life will be grand! Rah, rah, rah!" Not effective. Also, not true.
So, yesterday, I tried a different approach. "I'm sorry your day was so stressful. It sucks that you have 2nd lunch and the people you used to sit with have 3rd lunch. Yah, I would be pretty upset too. Hey, even God gets angry - the Bible says so. It won't get better over night, just keep putting one foot in front of the other."
I don't know if it helped them anymore, but it sure felt better to me. I don't need to worry that because they have a bad day, or week, or season, that they will be irreparably damaged. It is unrealistic to try to keep them from ever feeling negative emotions. My honesty and sincere empathy go a lot further than my "it's all fine" facade.
Lesson learned.
I pray day 2 was a bit easier on them.
.
Here it is.
I cannot control how my children experience life. (I know, it's mind-boggling).
Before we moved, I felt very responsible to make the transition as easy on the kids as possible. I did not (bless the Lord) make the grave mistake of telling them that everything would be wonderful all the time - that life would magically become amazing as soon as we got to Virginia. No. I was pretty honest about there being difficult times and taking time to adjust, etc. I did, however, take the burden of their emotional response onto my own shoulders. In fact, I recently realized that I have been doing this for most of their lives.
Somewhere along the way, I got the idea that if something difficult was going on in one of their lives, my job was, not necessarily to make it better (because, let's be honest, I had to admit early on that that can't always be done), but at least to make it FEEL better.
That seems reasonable, I mean what parent likes to see their child sad or upset or overwhelmed or stressed out?
But, trying to magically fix their emotions: 1. doesn't work, 2. makes them feel bad for having emotions in the first place, and 3. doesn't make the problem go away.
The high school the girls go to does block scheduling, so that basically means that they get 4 brand new classes at the semester. Originally, I thought it was pretty cool and it is... on paper. But, what I didn't realize was that meant they would essentially have another first day of school in January. New schedule, new teachers, different lunch...starting over.
It wasn't as hard as the first day of school in August, but yesterday was a pretty rough day. I learned, though, between then and now. Back in August, I was all in cheerleader mode, "it wasn't so bad! you don't feel nervous or scared! pretty soon life will be grand! Rah, rah, rah!" Not effective. Also, not true.
So, yesterday, I tried a different approach. "I'm sorry your day was so stressful. It sucks that you have 2nd lunch and the people you used to sit with have 3rd lunch. Yah, I would be pretty upset too. Hey, even God gets angry - the Bible says so. It won't get better over night, just keep putting one foot in front of the other."
I don't know if it helped them anymore, but it sure felt better to me. I don't need to worry that because they have a bad day, or week, or season, that they will be irreparably damaged. It is unrealistic to try to keep them from ever feeling negative emotions. My honesty and sincere empathy go a lot further than my "it's all fine" facade.
Lesson learned.
I pray day 2 was a bit easier on them.
.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Time to Celebrate!!!
I'm guessing that my title lead you to believe that I was going to be making some grand announcement about something amazing that has happened.
Well, no.
Today is pretty normal in the sense that I got up, got the kids up, ready and on the bus, had some coffee, threw in some laundry, put dinner in the crock pot... you get the picture. But, all morning I have had this sense of...hmmm, how to say it...tenacity. That's it, tenacity.
I get so bogged down sometimes with the worries of life and thinking about how this or that is going to work out. Wondering why something did or didn't happen. Wishing this or that had happened differently or, maybe even, not at all.
But today, I'm done with all that. Because, gosh darn it, I am still putting one foot in front of the other. Everyday.
I have a great marriage to a wonderful, hard working man who is a great father to my kids.
I have 5 pretty amazing kids (if I do say so myself).
My kids may not have all the latest and greatest gadgets, but they woke up in a warm house, had breakfast and marched off to a good school with clean clothes on their backs and shoes on their feet.
They will come home to a warm house. a good dinner and plenty of love and encouragment.
We are healthy.
We have been welcomed into a great new community and have lots of opportunity before us.
So, I will relinquish all those thoughts of "woulda, shoulda, coulda."
Forward, march! :)
Well, no.
Today is pretty normal in the sense that I got up, got the kids up, ready and on the bus, had some coffee, threw in some laundry, put dinner in the crock pot... you get the picture. But, all morning I have had this sense of...hmmm, how to say it...tenacity. That's it, tenacity.
I get so bogged down sometimes with the worries of life and thinking about how this or that is going to work out. Wondering why something did or didn't happen. Wishing this or that had happened differently or, maybe even, not at all.
But today, I'm done with all that. Because, gosh darn it, I am still putting one foot in front of the other. Everyday.
I have a great marriage to a wonderful, hard working man who is a great father to my kids.
I have 5 pretty amazing kids (if I do say so myself).
My kids may not have all the latest and greatest gadgets, but they woke up in a warm house, had breakfast and marched off to a good school with clean clothes on their backs and shoes on their feet.
They will come home to a warm house. a good dinner and plenty of love and encouragment.
We are healthy.
We have been welcomed into a great new community and have lots of opportunity before us.
So, I will relinquish all those thoughts of "woulda, shoulda, coulda."
Forward, march! :)
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Long Days and Short Years
"Enjoy those babies while you can!" "They grow up so fast!!" "Before you know it, they'll be on their own!" "There will come a day when you will wish you had little ones under foot!"
I used to get so sick and tired of people saying these kinds of things to me when my kids were all little. I would smile and nod and think, "you are crazy. what do you mean they grow up so fast? I feel like I have had babies and toddlers for centuries!"
This is not to say I was miserable, I wasn't. I love my kids and I love being a Mom. I just could not relate to this quick passing of time idea.
Now I get it.
Time does not pass quickly on a day to day basis, but when you look back, those years certainly do seem fleeting.
My two high schoolers have recently brought home their tentative class schedules for the fall of 2014 for us to look over and approve. That's right. I have 2 high schoolers. My oldest daughter is going to be a senior in the fall. A senior. She will graduate from high school and be an adult. ???? Wasn't she just watching Dora and the Donut Man the other day?
When they were younger, I felt pretty in control and able to keep up with all the goings on in their lives since it was mostly confined to the space in my house. Nothing really happened that surprised me and there weren't really any challenges that I wasn't quite sure how to handle.
ATTENTION MOMS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: THIS CHANGES!! (Sorry for the yelling, but I wish someone had said that to me 10 years ago. Or maybe they did and I wish I had listened...)
They have bigger challenges and I have less control. On the one hand, it's exhilarating to watch them grow and to imagine what their futures will hold, on the other hand, I sort of prefer changing diapers and making bottles. Almost no guesswork there.
I will end with this:
I am SO glad that we went ahead and "had all those kids" because now even though I have one who is ready to embark on adulthood, I also still have a 1st grader whose biggest concern is whether or not he's on the naughty list.
I will enjoy it while I can.
I used to get so sick and tired of people saying these kinds of things to me when my kids were all little. I would smile and nod and think, "you are crazy. what do you mean they grow up so fast? I feel like I have had babies and toddlers for centuries!"
This is not to say I was miserable, I wasn't. I love my kids and I love being a Mom. I just could not relate to this quick passing of time idea.
Now I get it.
Time does not pass quickly on a day to day basis, but when you look back, those years certainly do seem fleeting.
My two high schoolers have recently brought home their tentative class schedules for the fall of 2014 for us to look over and approve. That's right. I have 2 high schoolers. My oldest daughter is going to be a senior in the fall. A senior. She will graduate from high school and be an adult. ???? Wasn't she just watching Dora and the Donut Man the other day?
When they were younger, I felt pretty in control and able to keep up with all the goings on in their lives since it was mostly confined to the space in my house. Nothing really happened that surprised me and there weren't really any challenges that I wasn't quite sure how to handle.
ATTENTION MOMS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: THIS CHANGES!! (Sorry for the yelling, but I wish someone had said that to me 10 years ago. Or maybe they did and I wish I had listened...)
They have bigger challenges and I have less control. On the one hand, it's exhilarating to watch them grow and to imagine what their futures will hold, on the other hand, I sort of prefer changing diapers and making bottles. Almost no guesswork there.
I will end with this:
I am SO glad that we went ahead and "had all those kids" because now even though I have one who is ready to embark on adulthood, I also still have a 1st grader whose biggest concern is whether or not he's on the naughty list.
I will enjoy it while I can.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
This is What I Can Do...
I hate feeling helpless.
Somewhere along the way, I picked up the idea that being a parent meant always having the answers and being able to fix everything. Of course, it is ridiculous to think that, but the fantasy dies hard.
I recently had a conversation with one of my kids that was so heart-wrenching I almost couldn't bear it. There was a lot of crying, the shoulder-heaving kind of crying, and the feelings of despair were palpable. I decided not to offer a lot of quick one-liners and easy fixes because, let's be honest, sometimes in life there aren't easy fixes. I mostly just listened...and felt helpless.
I laid in bed for a long time thinking about our talk and feeling like I had somehow failed. If I was really doing a good job as a parent, how could my kid be having such a hard time?? Why couldn't I think of anything really helpful and amazing to say? Then, it hit me. I had done exactly what I needed to do and all that I could do...I had been there.
Being there is important, you know? Can't you think of times when someone just sat with you and somehow that seemingly small action infused you with strength? I sure can. And that realization made me feel so powerful as a Mom.
There are a ton of things that I cannot do for my children. I can't fix every problem they face. I can't make certain people like them. I can't stop them from dealing with negative emotions. I can't make this transition to living in a new state happen any quicker.
But, this is what I can do.
I can pray for them. I can love them. I can provide a peaceful atmosphere in our home. I can listen to them. I can hug them. I can believe in them. I can be their biggest fan.
And, at the end of the day, I can rest knowing that God loves them even more than I do and they are firmly in His hand.
Somewhere along the way, I picked up the idea that being a parent meant always having the answers and being able to fix everything. Of course, it is ridiculous to think that, but the fantasy dies hard.
I recently had a conversation with one of my kids that was so heart-wrenching I almost couldn't bear it. There was a lot of crying, the shoulder-heaving kind of crying, and the feelings of despair were palpable. I decided not to offer a lot of quick one-liners and easy fixes because, let's be honest, sometimes in life there aren't easy fixes. I mostly just listened...and felt helpless.
I laid in bed for a long time thinking about our talk and feeling like I had somehow failed. If I was really doing a good job as a parent, how could my kid be having such a hard time?? Why couldn't I think of anything really helpful and amazing to say? Then, it hit me. I had done exactly what I needed to do and all that I could do...I had been there.
Being there is important, you know? Can't you think of times when someone just sat with you and somehow that seemingly small action infused you with strength? I sure can. And that realization made me feel so powerful as a Mom.
There are a ton of things that I cannot do for my children. I can't fix every problem they face. I can't make certain people like them. I can't stop them from dealing with negative emotions. I can't make this transition to living in a new state happen any quicker.
But, this is what I can do.
I can pray for them. I can love them. I can provide a peaceful atmosphere in our home. I can listen to them. I can hug them. I can believe in them. I can be their biggest fan.
And, at the end of the day, I can rest knowing that God loves them even more than I do and they are firmly in His hand.
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