In Solidarity: To my Fellow Modern Day Parents

You know where I am right now?  I am sitting in a parking lot waiting for my son to finish football practice.  Like most of you, I worked all day, rushed home, picked him and his sister up, dropped him off, dropped her off, and now I’m sitting in this parking lot because there is no point in going home before I have to come back and pick him up.

I know others of you are doing the same thing, because I see you sitting in your cars right next to me.

Also, if you are like me, you probably have heard your fair share of how bad it is that we do all of this running around and it would be so much better if the kids just ran and played outside like they used to.

Listen.  I’m not exactly arguing that point.  But, I am saying - to the parents of yesteryear - and the voices that condemn all things parenting in the year 2018: that is not the way things are now.

I’m sure it was great when all the neighborhood kids played a game of baseball together until the street lights came on, but today if I want my kids to play sports, interact with their peers and learn some life lessons (which I do); I have to sign them up, pay a fee and take them to practices.  And games.  And volunteer.

And even if everyone only does 1 thing, all the things have multiple days and most of us have multiple children and, there ya go...we are all sitting here in our cars.

But, I feel solidarity with you, my fellow car sitters.  I feel proud to be with you.

We are making the best choices we can for our kids in the day they are growing up in.

We aren’t sitting in these cars because we don’t care.

 We’re sitting here because we do.

End of Summer Musings

It is the last week before the kids go back to school and also my vacation week.  We have stayed home this week because we have basically had a summer of mini-vacations. We didn't all go together or at the same time, but we have had some awesome fun and been pretty busy.

We all made it out to New Mexico and all of my kids finally got to meet my Grandma.:)  Reagan went to Michigan and Kennedy is on her way there now.  McKinley and I went to Atlanta.  Kennedy and I went to New York.  Nic and the boys went to New York.  Reagan and I still have a day trip planned to New York.  Free flights are cool, but travel is also kind of exhausting.

So.  We decided to take it easy this week - hang out, swim, back to school shop, sleep in.  I've heard the word bored a time or two, but it hasn't been from my lips. 

Time like this is rare for me and sooo rejuvenating.  I've had lots of time to sit and think and journal and consider the upcoming year. 

Kennedy is getting ready to start her SENIOR YEAR IN COLLEGE.  Dang.  She will likely move to a bigger city after graduation in order to intern in her chosen field for a year or two so that she more clearly knows what to pursue in grad school.  I am impressed with the way she tackles life - hasn't been easy, but she's no quitter.

Reagan will be a sophomore at Radford University and, in keeping with the way she rolls, her fall schedule is enough to make me cower in a corner.  18 credit hours, peer mentor job and all the performances she is required to participate in on top of it.  She wouldn't have it any other way.

McKinley - a junior this year.  Her class schedule is jam packed and she will be working part time and participating in extra curriculars as well.  Thoughts of what comes after high school are on the forefront of her mind all the time, and it really is right around the corner.

Carter is a freshman. In highschool.  He eats, sleeps and breathes lacrosse and Pokemon Go. He is the boy version of Reagan and requires lots of social interaction.  I took him school clothes shopping and he picked out a shirt with roses on it, which is apparently a thing boys wear now.   He is turning into a young man at lightning speed.

Pierce is about to make his first step into the halls of the middle school as a student.  He has found all of his classes, met all his teachers, conquered the opening of his locker and is all set to play the saxophone in the band and flag football.

I am still enjoying my job and am beyond grateful for it.  Nic is working at the airport and handling our growing lacrosse program.  Our life is full, busy, we are blessed.

There are things I could point out that aren't perfect, of course.  I know I am no different than any of you - there are setbacks, frustrations, daily battles.  But, I choose to look at the good - there is so much of it.  I also choose to live in today.  Today, I have daily bread, a home, a beautiful family, my health.  Yes, tomorrow will have it's challenges and there are things that I'm not quite sure how they will work out.

But, this I know.

He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  He has seen ahead to what tomorrow holds and has provided.  He is the way maker.  He is my peace and comfort.  He never fails.

You Know What's Hard?

Trying to keep up with all the things I'm *supposed* to do to be healthy.

*Disclaimer:  I have many friends who do things like YLEO, Plexus, CrossFit, Keto Coffee, AdvoCare, Detox's, Wraps, etc,etc,etc.  I am truly happy for you if you have found a thing that has had such a positive impact on your life, I really mean that.  I am writing this one, paritally, so that none of you are hurt by the fact that I don't try to participate in these things.  It has nothing to do with you - it's definitely me.

Here's the thing about me - it's just all too much for me to try to figure out.  There is too much information, too many programs, too many experts who have the"key" to healthy living.  It activates my fight or flight response and I just shut down.  It just has to be more simple than all of that.

We all have the same 24 hours and I just cannot buy into the fact that my health hinges on whether or not I have the time/means to take part in some or all of the stuff that's out there.  I have made some simple discoveries about myself over the years and I'm just gonna go with it.

1. I must have downtime/quiet time everyday - it's a challenge, but one that I take seriously. I must care for my introverted soul.

2. I feel the best and have the most energy when I listen to my body.  I know that the experts say this and that about how and when and what I should eat.  I listen to my body over them.  Every Time.

3. I hate water, but I drink it anyway. 

4.  I do some exercise everyday, even if it's just a short yoga session or a walk.  Some exercise everyday.

5.  I try to really pay attention to nature, to people, to God, to what is happening in the moment.  I want to live on purpose and not miss things because I am on auto-pilot.

The End.

Seriously.  That is my health routine and it is what makes me feel whole and peaceful.  I am 45 years old and I have never felt better.  I grow more convinced all the time that what we really need is peace.  :)

Small Changes

I have always been bad at things like New Year's resolutions and diets.  Some time ago, I just stopped trying because who likes to always fail?

But, over the past few years, a new idea has taken hold in my brain.  I have always viewed stuff like that as punishing myself rather than helping myself which is why I would always quit.  If I can adopt the mindset that this is good for me and I will probably even enjoy it - then, game on!

Media consumption is high on my list of concerns not only for my kids, but for myself.  I don't think all the gadgetry is evil (see my previous entry), but I do recognize that we need to control it and not the other way around.  But, how does one go about that?  I don't want to be the constant nagging voice in my kid's heads "get off your phone!  turn off the xbox!  what are you doing on the computer now??"  But, I also don't want them to have no self-discipline or awareness in this area.  They will never get away from electonics - it's hard to imagine how, but I'm sure it will get worse.  What do we do?  Internal regulation is what we need, but how do we get there?

Well, we have put one guideline in place that I believe has headed us down the right path.

We heard a speaker not long ago talking about how important the first hour of the day is and how it sets the tone for your day and determines your focus.  He said that to roll out of bed and immediately check your devices (guilty) is to program yourself to be distracted all day long.  I GOT IT.

So, we started.  We told the kids that from now on, the first hour of everyone's day is to be device-free.  What they do during that time is up to them, but no electronics of any kind.  We are doing it too - and what a difference already.

I spend my first hour doing some kind of exercise and then having a time to read, pray, journal or even just sit in the quiet.  It makes my head clearer and my days feel more productive.  I know that this isn't going to be like all of those times that I tried to make a resolution and didn't stick to it because it is something I am doing FOR myself,  not TO myself. 

It's a small change, but I can tell it will have big results.

A Mom's Take on Smartphones and Such...

I gotta be honest, I am so sick of all the panic and general hand-wringing about technology and social media - I really am over it.

It's not because I don't understand - I get it.  I admit to walking in the living room and seeing everyone of my children staring at a phone and NOT LIKING IT.  I have struggled with the appropriate way to enforce "screen boundaries."  I have said, "if I see that phone at the table, it's mine," and meant it, buddy.

However, I do not buy into the idea that these little computers we carry in our back pockets are going to be the end of society as we know it.  That they are handicapping us and making it impossible for us to truly connect with each other or have meaningful relationships.

Sorry, but I call BS on that.

I call BS on it because I like my phone just as much as the next person - maybe even a little more, if I'm being honest.  Yet, strangely, I still manage to have close relationships with my family (yes - even my teenagers, love their phones though they do), and friends.  I still care for people deeply and have normal face-to-face conversations.  I am still involved in my community and understand the value of volunteerism and giving back.  I am not saying I'm perfect, by any means, but I am standing up and saying confidently that my iPhone has not stolen my soul.

And you know what?  I see these same things in my kids. They love their phones, sure.  But, they also love their friends.  They may communicate with flying thumbs and goofy selfies instead of locked in the pantry on a rotary phone, but communicate they do.  They have deep and meaningful conversations on social media.  They discuss issues, dream about their futures, tackle difficult subjects and encourage one another.  I know this because I see it and read it.  I know there is plenty my kids don't share with me, but it is not uncommon for one of them to say, "Hey mom, read this text, or what do you think about this thing I read or watch this cool video so and so sent me."  Make no mistake, they are tackling life just like we did.

We all need to be aware, we need to be intentional in our relationships, we need to be parents and not allow our kids to be consumed with all things electronic...BUT, we also need to give ourselves a little credit.  We can have these devices and still be and raise good, loving and thoughtful humans.

That's how I see it.  :)

Pausing to Take Stock

Those of you who have read my blog since it started know that I started blogging after I had begun writing a book and then lost all of the content when my computer crashed.  It was a sad, sad day, but I learned the valuable lesson of backing things up and it prompted me to keep a journal of my life and family, because, gosh darn it, I will indeed write a book one of these days!

So...I blog and post to facebook because I like to share with my friends, but also because I am building content.

Today's blog is just a moment for me to stop and look around my life.  I am busy, busy, busy!!!  But, I don't want to miss all the wonder in my busy-ness.  Read on if you're interested, if not - you will read it in my book.  :)

In a few short weeks, my 2nd born will graduate from high school.  I have been thinking lately about how much the dynamic of our family will change when she goes to college (as it did when our first born ventured out a couple of years ago).  The changes are good, but also hard. We have been this close-knit group of 7 people for years and now we have reached the point where the members are starting to embark on the part of their journey where they strike out on their own.  They are SUPPOSED to do this, this has been the goal all along, but that doesn't mean we like it all the time.

In 5 months - 5 short months - there will only be 5 of us living in this house full time.

Kennedy will be a junior at Longwood University.  We have been so proud to watch her embrace college and take advantage of all the opportunities that she has been afforded. Her future is bright indeed.

Reagan will be a freshman at Radford University.  So excited for all she will learn and have the opportunity to be involved in.  I have no doubt it will catapult her forward, not just as a dancer, but as a person.

McKinley will be a sophomore at Stuarts Draft High School.  She discovered a love for theater this year, participating in both the One Act and the musical; and also discovered she can sing. I don't know where she will head after high school, but she will certainly have plenty of options.

Carter will be an 8th grader at Stuarts Draft Middle School.  He eats, drinks and breathes lacrosse.  For the boy whose interests change so rapidly, it has been interesting to see him latch onto this and stick with it.  He has a fair amount of natural talent, and is learning how to add hard work to the equation.  Who knows where it will lead?

Pierce will be a 5th grader at Guy K. Stump Elementary. He often feels like he is being left behind in a family where everyone is so busy, and growing and changing so quickly. I remind him often they they were just like him when they were 10. I, for one, am glad to have a 10 year old who is taking his time with life.

5 kids (well, 2 of them are adults...), 5 different schools.  1 Mom brain and heart to handle it all.

Sometimes, I feel the odds are stacked against me.

But, on days like today I just choose to embrace the waterfall.  Would I want less?  Would I want them to not experience life, learn, grow, fly?  Of course not.  I will let the beauty of their growth overwhelm me, not the sadness of change.

Today, I will breathe deeply and enjoy this moment, I will be grateful for the years of constant togetherness and thousands of shared memories.  I will look forward to all of the new ones we have yet to make.

I will be honored to be a part of making this Mihailoff family tapestry.

Grace for Today

Been thinking a lot about grace lately - mostly because I need it so much.  Not just the grace that saves me in the afterlife, but the grace to walk through this life - day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute sometimes.

Grace to just keep on going when it feels like that is all you have done for years and years and years...

Life has given me much to be grateful for and I am indeed grateful.

But, I am also tired and discouraged some days.

On those days, I am glad that I have the everlasting arms to lean back on.  Part of my journey has been realizing that that is what those arms are for.  I spent a lot of years imagining that they were folded in anger against me.

That realization has been a beautiful fruit of the struggle, I wouldn't trade that knowledge for anything.

But, I am ready, ready to move on past some of the issues that have plagued me for years.

Today, I sigh and keep on walking.  Grace for today and bright hope for tomorrow...