Family 2015

Family 2015

Friday, August 19, 2011

Majoring on the Majors...

My house is not spotless.  Our diet is not perfect.  My kids watch t.v. - some days a lot of it.  My kids learn to read when they do - no Baby Einstein around here.  When they don't feel good, I give them synthetic medicine.  They have all been vaccinated.  I didn't breastfeed.  My boys are circumcised.  There have been spankings in this house.

This is a short list of things I have at one point or another felt guilty about admitting.  But, no more.  Here's why:

We don't tell each other to shut-up.  Ever.  Teasing does not happen in this house. (I'm serious).  My three girls (14,12 and 9)  love to have "sleep-overs" in each others rooms.  My two boys (7 and almost 5) get in trouble almost every night because they stay awake after bedtime playing and laughing together.  My 14 year old will still hold my hand in public.  All 5 of my children have told me within the last week that they love me. My teenager refers to me as her "comfort person."  My girls talk to me about things before seeking the advice of their friends.  My youngest boy still wants to marry me when he grows up. We stand up for each other.  We believe in each other.  We cheer one another on.  Our home is a place where we all belong and feel safe.

I think my efforts over the past 14 years have yielded some pretty incredible fruit - I am determined to keep focusing on the majors....

8 comments:

  1. What would you say "the key" to that kind of peace and harmony has been? Your family is an amazing example and inspiration to me.
    Court

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  2. honestly? we talk. all the time. about everything. our kids are clear that we value family relationships over just about everything else. I'm sure some conversations we have had dozens of times.

    also, I didn't mean to imply that we are always in perfect harmony. its just that when there are relationship issues, we will drop just about anything to focus on them.
    yvonne

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  3. Yeah, I've been around your family enough to see that you guys have something pretty special going. Sure, it's not Eden, but it's pretty great nonetheless. :)
    Court

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  4. I think what I find most comforting is that you don't tout one particular parenting method over another... GKGW or Happiest Toddler or Attachment... I'm always a little bit intimidated by moms who can stick with a particular method so unfailingly. (NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THOSE METHODS! lol!) Your method seems to be sort of anti-method. And I can do that!! The hallmarks seem to be love, acceptance, mercy, honesty, openness, flexibility... they're humans. Unique. My happiest days are those that start with that realization. I'm a human, Lou's a human, and moment to moment, we change ... God teaches me new things every day. Every day, I am (hopefully) a little bit wiser than the day before. But the one thing I came into this job with was, "Love her like I love you." And if I am consistent in that one thing (including remembering how HE loves ME), all the rest sort of just falls into place, and I'm allowed the flexibility to move and change with her, and also, to make many many mistakes.
    Side note: in my mind, "love" is an action... not a feeling. I used to get confused, thinking "love" and "affection" were synonymous. Love is the daily putting aside of my own desires and plans to, as you said, focus on my child. And the funny thing is, while it may seem like a sacrifice... the rewards are so much better than whatever I was "sacrificing."
    Court

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  5. Anti-method is a good description. :) Although I'd be lying if I said I hadn't gleaned things here and there from all the parenting stuff I've read. Mostly, reading all of that and trying at different times to implement them has forced the journey of discovering who I am and what I can realisitically pull off. I may think the idea of "first time obedience" is great, but I can't do it honestly. I would no more expect my kids to obey me without a second thought every second of the day than I would expect them to never have a disagreement with one another. It's just unreasonable.

    I don't think you can go far wrong as long as you keep remembering every day that she's a person and so are you. And love, love, love. Yep, it is pretty great! :)
    Yvonne

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  6. I have not been around your family in many years now but I also do or have done the same list of things you have put down. And what I do know is if there were a family that I could follow by example it would be yours. I hope and pray that my kids do all of the same thing yours have done and still do. Now mine are much younger then yours so I have time before most of this will happen but I am looking forward to the days ahead. I think it makes a difference as well some times of your own up bringing that factors in too.

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  7. The beginning of your original post made me think of my aunt who has a son Morgan's age. She is one of those by the book parents and her kid NEVER watches TV...she thinks it's evil. He rarely has ANY kind of junk food...big into organic stuff. Not that that is bad, but c'mon, you gotta let kids be kids too. Sometimes I think she is judging our parenting because we do let Morgan watch TV, and although we provide balanced meals (a fruit and/or veggie with most meals), we do let the kid have junk food too. I could really stress out about these things...and things like the cleanliness of our house. But you make a very good point...what's really important is our relationships and the memories we make everyday in our families. These will be the things our kids will take with them the rest of their lives...how to treat people with respect, what it means to be happy, etc, etc. I can say the same for my childhood when I think about it. My parents let me eat some sugary cereals and other junk foods, I watched TV, I rode a bike without a helmet. But they did a great job raising me and I think I turned out ok. I have memories of an wonderful and happy childhood filled with lots of family memories. They taught me how to be kind to others and how to be respectful. They taught me what's truly important in life and that is what is really matters in the end....not how much TV they let me watch, etc. :)

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