Full Circle

So, I seem to remember that about the time I started this blog was the same time that Pierce started speech therapy.  Now, he's done.  "He has made great progress," said his therapist today, "all his goals are met, he's a hard worker....and, I don't need to see him anymore."

Hearing her say that was like a sucker punch to the heart.  Sheesh, what is up with me???

If you know me well, or probably even if you barely know me, you have figured out that I'm kind of the analytical type.  I'm a woman, yes, but I'm not known for making emotional decisions, having major emotional breakdowns, or even really caring that much about emotions.  I have'em, sure.  But, what good are they?  They change as quick as the wind and they are not good indicators of the reality of any situation.

So.

I have not really ever been the type of Mom who can't stand to see her kids cry.  Wow, that sounds cold.  But, that's not what I mean.  Of course, I don't LIKE it, but even in the moment that they are upset; I can usually keep a pretty cool head.  I can assess WHY the tears are there and respond without getting all caught up in the moment.  You know, if they're hurt - fix it.  If they're throwing a fit - walk away.  If someone is being mean to them - talk to the people who are in charge.  If they are upset, hug them, encourage them.  But, I've never seen the need to join in or panic.

So, that is why today was such a shock to me.

Here is this lady, who at the beginning; I was feeling a little antagonistic towards; telling me that my son is done.  He has accomplished all this great work.  I should feel proud.  And, I do....

But mostly, I'm trying real hard to swallow the lump in my throat and hoping she doesn't notice that my eyes are misting over with tears.  Done??  But, he likes you!  I have gotten used to coming here on Tuesdays and you feel like a friend to me now.  I enjoy my lunch date with my boy after speech therapy and before school...I don't WANT to be done.

Because....it means that time is marching on....it means that even as I enjoy these moments with not just Pierce, but all of my kids, that they are passing....it means that although I love to watch them grow up, I don't really want them to.

*sigh*  Emotions are for the birds.