It is nearly the end of September - how in the heck did that happen??? Of course I know that is the way of the passage of time - slow in the moment, lightning quick in retrospect.
I have enjoyed, really enjoyed, these last few weeks. Homeschooling is going surprisingly well. (homeschooling older kids is easier, friends. subjects are harder, but it is immeasurably easier). The boys are settling into their new school and, for the most part, loving it. I am really loving that my brain is engaged again. Don't be offended, stay at home parents of preschoolers, I am not saying you don't use your brain. I'm just saying...you know what I'm saying.
Anyway, I realized last night, that as much as I love my "new life," I miss the old one too. I know that this is cyberspace and I'm not even really sure who reads my rantings, but sharing them does make me feel more connected to the world.
So.
I'm going to make an effort to keep blogging atleast once a week. Now that I've said that, you probably won't hear from me again until November, but I am going to try. :)
For now, I will leave you with this. I like all of you. A lot. I like hearing about your days and your kids and your jobs and your struggles and your victories. And I like sharing mine. Living life without sharing it almost feels like not living it. So, please, keep me updated and don't be offended if I go a few weeks without returning the favor.
I think that when we all get to the point in our lives that we are not so busy (that time does come, right??), we will be glad that we walked the road of life together. Even if we walked it using our fingers on a keyboard.
Family 2015
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Schizophrenia, or What I Should Have Done in the First Place...
When I got the word a few weeks ago that Kennedy and Reagan would not be allowed to attend Goodrich, the thought of keeping McKinley at home as well crossed my mind. It entered briefly and was quickly shoved out the other side of my head by the sheer force of my fear.
"I wasn't going to homeschool anyone this year," I reasoned, "I am going back to school!!! I would never have decided to do both at the same time! I have no choice about the older 2, but McKinley has a spot! I simply cannot school all 3 of them and do everything else." Case closed. Yah, right.
The first 5 days of school haven't been awful or anything, but here is what I discovered. I leave the house at 7:20, drop the boys off and then have to drive to Goodrich and kill a half an hour before I can drop McKinley off. I rush home and don't get there until 9:00. On Tues/Thurs that leaves me just an hour to get Kennedy and Reagan started with school before I rush off to class. Same cycle in the afternoon. Leave at 2:20, get home at 4:00. Rush off to dance. On the night I teach, I have no time to give the older girls any additional help until after I get home. When I'm exhausted and crabby...and have homework of my own.
Also, McKinley was having a bit of a rough time. I didn't think about the difficulties of breaking into a 5th grade group that has mostly been together since Kindergarten. Not to mention, do I want her making tons of close friends in a community that is that far away? Do I want to have to drive up there multiple times a week when she is older and has sports/band/football games/dances? No. I don't. It would have been different if all 3 girls were there and the oldest could have started helping with the driving next year...but, as it stands now, doesn't make sense.
So, I will add a 3rd child to our homeschool starting tomorrow. (When I finally arrive at a conclusion, I don't waste any time). I will gain two hours in each and every day. I will save hundreds of miles on my vehicle and hundreds of dollars in gas. I will have more time to actually teach and much less time to sit in my van waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.
I will enjoy this year with my girls and we will wait and see together what next year holds for all of us. And next year, when crunch time comes, I will listen to my heart and not my fear.
"I wasn't going to homeschool anyone this year," I reasoned, "I am going back to school!!! I would never have decided to do both at the same time! I have no choice about the older 2, but McKinley has a spot! I simply cannot school all 3 of them and do everything else." Case closed. Yah, right.
The first 5 days of school haven't been awful or anything, but here is what I discovered. I leave the house at 7:20, drop the boys off and then have to drive to Goodrich and kill a half an hour before I can drop McKinley off. I rush home and don't get there until 9:00. On Tues/Thurs that leaves me just an hour to get Kennedy and Reagan started with school before I rush off to class. Same cycle in the afternoon. Leave at 2:20, get home at 4:00. Rush off to dance. On the night I teach, I have no time to give the older girls any additional help until after I get home. When I'm exhausted and crabby...and have homework of my own.
Also, McKinley was having a bit of a rough time. I didn't think about the difficulties of breaking into a 5th grade group that has mostly been together since Kindergarten. Not to mention, do I want her making tons of close friends in a community that is that far away? Do I want to have to drive up there multiple times a week when she is older and has sports/band/football games/dances? No. I don't. It would have been different if all 3 girls were there and the oldest could have started helping with the driving next year...but, as it stands now, doesn't make sense.
So, I will add a 3rd child to our homeschool starting tomorrow. (When I finally arrive at a conclusion, I don't waste any time). I will gain two hours in each and every day. I will save hundreds of miles on my vehicle and hundreds of dollars in gas. I will have more time to actually teach and much less time to sit in my van waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting.
I will enjoy this year with my girls and we will wait and see together what next year holds for all of us. And next year, when crunch time comes, I will listen to my heart and not my fear.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Of Pooh Bear and Empathy...
I really enjoy the differences in my kids. It is truly astonishing to me sometimes that all 5 of them are the product of me and my husband. I mean, we are the same 2 people, how are the kids so vastly different?? But, they are. And it is fun. :)
I think sometimes about the age old question of "nature or nurture?" That debate must go on and on and on and on because there is not one correct answer. Sure, I like to think that some of the qualities my kids possess are because of the environment they are being raised in, but some of who they are has obviously been stamped on their DNA since before they ever laid eyes on me.
I have a couple of kids who are particularly empathetic which is wonderful, but also very, very difficult for me. It's not that I don't want them to care about others, I do! I just don't want it to be so hard on them to see other people struggle.
I'll give you an example.
Last night, the boys watched the Bee Movie which Pierce had never seen. There is a part in the movie when a character shoots Pooh Bear with a tranquilizer dart so they can steal his honey.
Pierce was devastated.
He said to me through his tears, "But now, Pooh Bear won't have any honey. And he will be hungry. Why would they do that?? They were so mean to Pooh Bear!" They he wiped his eyes and tried to stop crying. It took a good 20 minutes before he was over it.
Oh, my poor, sweet boy. I shudder to think what will happen when you realize that there are people in our own country who don't have enough to eat. :( Kids you know that don't have the support of a loving family. Kids in other places who are getting sick because they don't own a pair of shoes and worms get in through their feet.
It gives me pause. He has that heart for a reason and I know it. Perhaps when he is older he will champion the cause of stamping out hunger Or maybe he will go to other countries and put shoes on the feet of those children.
I have no doubt that a heart like that is a gift. I know that empathy is a strength.
But, wow, I'm really glad I have a couple of kids that can just laugh at Pooh Bear and get on with their day. :)
I think sometimes about the age old question of "nature or nurture?" That debate must go on and on and on and on because there is not one correct answer. Sure, I like to think that some of the qualities my kids possess are because of the environment they are being raised in, but some of who they are has obviously been stamped on their DNA since before they ever laid eyes on me.
I have a couple of kids who are particularly empathetic which is wonderful, but also very, very difficult for me. It's not that I don't want them to care about others, I do! I just don't want it to be so hard on them to see other people struggle.
I'll give you an example.
Last night, the boys watched the Bee Movie which Pierce had never seen. There is a part in the movie when a character shoots Pooh Bear with a tranquilizer dart so they can steal his honey.
Pierce was devastated.
He said to me through his tears, "But now, Pooh Bear won't have any honey. And he will be hungry. Why would they do that?? They were so mean to Pooh Bear!" They he wiped his eyes and tried to stop crying. It took a good 20 minutes before he was over it.
Oh, my poor, sweet boy. I shudder to think what will happen when you realize that there are people in our own country who don't have enough to eat. :( Kids you know that don't have the support of a loving family. Kids in other places who are getting sick because they don't own a pair of shoes and worms get in through their feet.
It gives me pause. He has that heart for a reason and I know it. Perhaps when he is older he will champion the cause of stamping out hunger Or maybe he will go to other countries and put shoes on the feet of those children.
I have no doubt that a heart like that is a gift. I know that empathy is a strength.
But, wow, I'm really glad I have a couple of kids that can just laugh at Pooh Bear and get on with their day. :)
Saturday, August 18, 2012
The Amazing Day.
Well, actually, it didn't start out as The Amazing Day. It started out as The Pretty Damn Awful Day. Here's the story of the metamorphosis.
I found out Wednesday that my 2 older girls were denied administrative release by the city of Flint. This means that although I have busted my hump and jumped through hoop after hoop since April in order to get them accepted by the Goodrich Schools, that they will not be able to attend there in the fall. Flint just said no. We won't let them go.
It does not matter that my children have never attended Flint schools and never will. It does not matter that I gave birth to them and have cared for them everyday that they have been alive. It does not matter that I own a home and pay my taxes and am generally a good, law-abiding citizen. The people sitting behind the desks at the Flint District, who have never laid eyes on my children, still have the power to keep them from going to the school I want them in.
However, as completely outrageous as that is, it is not what this blog is about.
This blog is about beauty from ashes. It is about small miracles. It is about finding a way where there seems to be no way.
For several hours after I got the news, I was pretty despondent. The girls in question are going to be in the 8th and 10th grades. Homeschooling them is not going to be as easy as it was when they were in Kindergarten and 2nd. Teaching phonics was a piece of cake. Teaching French won't be, especially since I don't speak it. Helping them master the multiplication tables was easy. Chemistry? Oy. Not to mention, I am going back to school in the fall. Double oy.
I immediately started researching online charter options, which was unbelievably depressing. I finally laid my head down on my desk and prayed. It wasn't an awesome, flowery, confident prayer. It was more along the lines of, "Oh.God. Help. me."
Then, I lifted up my eyes and turned to the comfort of facebook. Imagine my surprise when I saw a message from a homeschooling friend asking if I knew of any homeschooled highschoolers that might be interested in taking a French I class? I messaged her immediately, "Yes, Kennedy would!!!" I briefly relayed the story to her of what had happened and she shot me another message. "Oh, there's a homeschool Chemistry class too! And I have an extra set of books! Also, I have an Algebra II text and Teacher's manuals - could you use those?"
It was like a thousand ton weight was lifted off my shoulders. In a matter of minutes, I could see how it would all work out. What had seemed impossible just moments before now seemed entirely possible and maybe even a little bit fun. With those two major hurdles out of the way, the rest of the planning will be relatively easy. Sure, it will still be a challenge, but we can do this. We may even love this.
You can say it was a coincidence, but I know it wasn't. I know that I know that in that moment God looked down on me and had compassion and reached into the middle of my struggle and provided a solution. I know there is still a lot of work to be done and it will indeed be a challenging year. But, the gift of a new perspective is priceless.
It really was The Amazing Day.
I found out Wednesday that my 2 older girls were denied administrative release by the city of Flint. This means that although I have busted my hump and jumped through hoop after hoop since April in order to get them accepted by the Goodrich Schools, that they will not be able to attend there in the fall. Flint just said no. We won't let them go.
It does not matter that my children have never attended Flint schools and never will. It does not matter that I gave birth to them and have cared for them everyday that they have been alive. It does not matter that I own a home and pay my taxes and am generally a good, law-abiding citizen. The people sitting behind the desks at the Flint District, who have never laid eyes on my children, still have the power to keep them from going to the school I want them in.
However, as completely outrageous as that is, it is not what this blog is about.
This blog is about beauty from ashes. It is about small miracles. It is about finding a way where there seems to be no way.
For several hours after I got the news, I was pretty despondent. The girls in question are going to be in the 8th and 10th grades. Homeschooling them is not going to be as easy as it was when they were in Kindergarten and 2nd. Teaching phonics was a piece of cake. Teaching French won't be, especially since I don't speak it. Helping them master the multiplication tables was easy. Chemistry? Oy. Not to mention, I am going back to school in the fall. Double oy.
I immediately started researching online charter options, which was unbelievably depressing. I finally laid my head down on my desk and prayed. It wasn't an awesome, flowery, confident prayer. It was more along the lines of, "Oh.God. Help. me."
Then, I lifted up my eyes and turned to the comfort of facebook. Imagine my surprise when I saw a message from a homeschooling friend asking if I knew of any homeschooled highschoolers that might be interested in taking a French I class? I messaged her immediately, "Yes, Kennedy would!!!" I briefly relayed the story to her of what had happened and she shot me another message. "Oh, there's a homeschool Chemistry class too! And I have an extra set of books! Also, I have an Algebra II text and Teacher's manuals - could you use those?"
It was like a thousand ton weight was lifted off my shoulders. In a matter of minutes, I could see how it would all work out. What had seemed impossible just moments before now seemed entirely possible and maybe even a little bit fun. With those two major hurdles out of the way, the rest of the planning will be relatively easy. Sure, it will still be a challenge, but we can do this. We may even love this.
You can say it was a coincidence, but I know it wasn't. I know that I know that in that moment God looked down on me and had compassion and reached into the middle of my struggle and provided a solution. I know there is still a lot of work to be done and it will indeed be a challenging year. But, the gift of a new perspective is priceless.
It really was The Amazing Day.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
One Day at a Time...Sweet Jesus.
What? This title sounds familiar? Well, I guess that could be because this is the story of my life.
I have a lot of things, many things, a plethora of things in my life right now that require the "one day at a time" mantra. Nic's school, my school (gulp), the kid's school and various activities (gulp times 5), work, house cleaning (ha), cooking, paying bills, trying to have fun while doing it all...these are all things that need to be done over and over and over and over for many years to come. It is way too overwhelming to think about the ultimate goals. They are way too far away and way too much has to happen between now and then in order for them all to be accomplished. I need some caffeine in order to muster the brain power to fathom it all.
No. I will only allow myself to think so far down the road, otherwise I will spontaneously combust.
So, it pays to remind myself, all the time, that the joy is in the journey.
The joy is in the journey.
The joy is in the journey.
Ok. So, today I will just rejoice that I completed a math boot camp and then tested out of my math requirement completely. I will rejoice that Nic has year 1 of his master's under his belt. I will glory in the fact that my oldest kid has completed driver's ed. That all of my kids are potty trained. (!)
And I will remind myself that I get to do all of this with the people I love most. That's what matters anyway :)
I have a lot of things, many things, a plethora of things in my life right now that require the "one day at a time" mantra. Nic's school, my school (gulp), the kid's school and various activities (gulp times 5), work, house cleaning (ha), cooking, paying bills, trying to have fun while doing it all...these are all things that need to be done over and over and over and over for many years to come. It is way too overwhelming to think about the ultimate goals. They are way too far away and way too much has to happen between now and then in order for them all to be accomplished. I need some caffeine in order to muster the brain power to fathom it all.
No. I will only allow myself to think so far down the road, otherwise I will spontaneously combust.
So, it pays to remind myself, all the time, that the joy is in the journey.
The joy is in the journey.
The joy is in the journey.
Ok. So, today I will just rejoice that I completed a math boot camp and then tested out of my math requirement completely. I will rejoice that Nic has year 1 of his master's under his belt. I will glory in the fact that my oldest kid has completed driver's ed. That all of my kids are potty trained. (!)
And I will remind myself that I get to do all of this with the people I love most. That's what matters anyway :)
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Communication - at 1 AM.
My husband is a GREAT communicator. No, he really is. I have often had conversations with friends where they express frustration that their husband isn't good at talking to them, they have to drag things out of him, he doesn't even LIKE to talk, etc. I love to encourage people about their marriages, to be able to say, "Hey, I understand... this is how we handle that... yep - we've been down that road" and stuff like that. But, in regards to encouragement for this issue, I got nothin'. Your husband doesn't talk much? I can't relate.
So, it shouldn't surprise me, then, that my youngest son - aka my husband's "mini-me" - inherited this trait. He also inherited his Dad's night owl which will be a huge battle come Septemeber 4th, but I digress. Anyway, Nic is currently out of town for a week of residency at his master's program and so I am enjoying having the bed all to myself. Sort of. Last night, around 1 am, Pierce crawled in bed with me. He hadn't been asleep yet (I am not lying about the night owl business) and was needing to talk about his "nervous."
I am not a night owl. At all. But, in keeping with trying to be a good Mom and all that, I made myself wake up and listen. "What are you nervous about, buddy?"
"Well, I just don't think I'm ready to handle Kindergarten. I mean, what if there are bad kids in my class? I will probably miss my teacher from young 5's. How will I buy lunch if I don't have money? Who will I sit with at lunch? What if I don't want to play what the other kids are playing at recess? Also, even when I tell my heart that you will pick me up pretty soon, it still misses you."
OMG. I am GLAD that I never have to wonder what is bothering my son, but are you kidding me??? At 1 am??? 7 weeks before school starts???
But, I could hear the earnestness in his little voice, so we talked. About all of it. By the end, he seemed reasonably comforted and was finally able to fall asleep.
But then I was wide awake and just laid there for a while listening to him breathe. It is a tricky business, this parenting. That is a PERSON laying there next to me, and 4 others sleeping peacefully at other places in the house. They are so intricate. So individual. So amazing. So complicated. It is so overwhelming to try to guide them.
It drives me to my knees and makes me so grateful that I'm not trying to do this alone. Nope, the creator of the universe is also the creator of each of them and He will show us the way.
.
So, it shouldn't surprise me, then, that my youngest son - aka my husband's "mini-me" - inherited this trait. He also inherited his Dad's night owl which will be a huge battle come Septemeber 4th, but I digress. Anyway, Nic is currently out of town for a week of residency at his master's program and so I am enjoying having the bed all to myself. Sort of. Last night, around 1 am, Pierce crawled in bed with me. He hadn't been asleep yet (I am not lying about the night owl business) and was needing to talk about his "nervous."
I am not a night owl. At all. But, in keeping with trying to be a good Mom and all that, I made myself wake up and listen. "What are you nervous about, buddy?"
"Well, I just don't think I'm ready to handle Kindergarten. I mean, what if there are bad kids in my class? I will probably miss my teacher from young 5's. How will I buy lunch if I don't have money? Who will I sit with at lunch? What if I don't want to play what the other kids are playing at recess? Also, even when I tell my heart that you will pick me up pretty soon, it still misses you."
OMG. I am GLAD that I never have to wonder what is bothering my son, but are you kidding me??? At 1 am??? 7 weeks before school starts???
But, I could hear the earnestness in his little voice, so we talked. About all of it. By the end, he seemed reasonably comforted and was finally able to fall asleep.
But then I was wide awake and just laid there for a while listening to him breathe. It is a tricky business, this parenting. That is a PERSON laying there next to me, and 4 others sleeping peacefully at other places in the house. They are so intricate. So individual. So amazing. So complicated. It is so overwhelming to try to guide them.
It drives me to my knees and makes me so grateful that I'm not trying to do this alone. Nope, the creator of the universe is also the creator of each of them and He will show us the way.
.
Monday, July 9, 2012
The Silver Lining
I'm sure if we are friends on facebook, you already know about the "Great Power Outage of 2012." But, I'm going to talk about it anyway. :)
We took a little family vacation up to Caseville last week and returned home Thursday around 11:00 in the morning. The family that watched our house had already texted me to let me know that there had been a storm and the power was out. I was mildly irritated, but was doing a pretty good job of keeping my happy on.
We got home and unloaded, got Reagan off to start her first day of dance intensive and then I called Consumers. "Our best estimate of power restoration is Sunday, July 8th at 11:30 pm." I did a mental double-take. "Sunday night?! As in 3 1/2 days from now?!! It's supposed to be 100 degrees for the next 3 days!! We all need a shower!! All of our laundry is full of sand!! I want to make some coffee!! Waaa, waaa, waaa!!" Of course, the automated person at Consumers didn't care about my need for coffee and presumably didn't mind that we were all covered in beach funk. That's the nice thing about electronic people, they don't judge.
So, I tried (probably unsuccessfully) to break the news to the kids gently. Then, I broke out my phone and griped to the one place that might care - facebook.
We went out for dinner and when we returned, I had a fb message from a friend I had seen one time in the past ten years. "Come over!! We have plenty of room! And a big washer and dryer! And A/C!" Now, this friend has 4 kids. We have 5. Did I mention I have seen her ONCE in the last 10 years? But, no matter, we packed up our kids and dirty laundry, left the dogs plently of food and water and headed out to their house.
I can see the wheels in your brain working over-time. "I can't believe you did that. Wouldn't that be so awkward? What if your kids, who have really never met, don't get along? That's kinda crazy." Well, maybe you have never come home from vacation in 100 degree weather and had no power. It brings out all kinds of crazy, let me tell ya...
But, here's what happened. We had a wonderful time with them. They have a son who is right in between Carter and Pierce in age - the 3 of them took off like old pals and we literally almost never saw them. Our girls meshed nicely with theirs. Liz and I and Roger and Nic took up like we had just seen each other at church last week. We felt perfectly comfortable, welcome and were sad to go when we got news that our power had come back on Saturday afternoon.
It was an amazing silver lining in that cloud. I will always have fond memories of the "Great Power Outage of 2012," and, from now on, we will certainly make the effort to get together with the Conn's more than once every 10 years. :)
We took a little family vacation up to Caseville last week and returned home Thursday around 11:00 in the morning. The family that watched our house had already texted me to let me know that there had been a storm and the power was out. I was mildly irritated, but was doing a pretty good job of keeping my happy on.
We got home and unloaded, got Reagan off to start her first day of dance intensive and then I called Consumers. "Our best estimate of power restoration is Sunday, July 8th at 11:30 pm." I did a mental double-take. "Sunday night?! As in 3 1/2 days from now?!! It's supposed to be 100 degrees for the next 3 days!! We all need a shower!! All of our laundry is full of sand!! I want to make some coffee!! Waaa, waaa, waaa!!" Of course, the automated person at Consumers didn't care about my need for coffee and presumably didn't mind that we were all covered in beach funk. That's the nice thing about electronic people, they don't judge.
So, I tried (probably unsuccessfully) to break the news to the kids gently. Then, I broke out my phone and griped to the one place that might care - facebook.
We went out for dinner and when we returned, I had a fb message from a friend I had seen one time in the past ten years. "Come over!! We have plenty of room! And a big washer and dryer! And A/C!" Now, this friend has 4 kids. We have 5. Did I mention I have seen her ONCE in the last 10 years? But, no matter, we packed up our kids and dirty laundry, left the dogs plently of food and water and headed out to their house.
I can see the wheels in your brain working over-time. "I can't believe you did that. Wouldn't that be so awkward? What if your kids, who have really never met, don't get along? That's kinda crazy." Well, maybe you have never come home from vacation in 100 degree weather and had no power. It brings out all kinds of crazy, let me tell ya...
But, here's what happened. We had a wonderful time with them. They have a son who is right in between Carter and Pierce in age - the 3 of them took off like old pals and we literally almost never saw them. Our girls meshed nicely with theirs. Liz and I and Roger and Nic took up like we had just seen each other at church last week. We felt perfectly comfortable, welcome and were sad to go when we got news that our power had come back on Saturday afternoon.
It was an amazing silver lining in that cloud. I will always have fond memories of the "Great Power Outage of 2012," and, from now on, we will certainly make the effort to get together with the Conn's more than once every 10 years. :)
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