Family 2015

Family 2015

Monday, October 10, 2011

Yelling and Other Bad Ideas.

So, I would like to be able to say that I have never yelled at my kids, but....I'm not perfect and I'm also not a liar.

I can say, however, that I have not once yelled at my kids and thought later, "Gee, that was really great parenting, and effective too!"  I usually end up feeling like I wish I could take it back.  It's really bad now that Pierce is so good at expressing himself with his words.  He is super sensitive.  When he was younger if I would yell at him, or even near him, he would give one of those inadvertent shivers - nice.  Now, he says things like, (with a wobbly, about to cry voice)  "Mommy, it hurts my feelings when you scream at me."  Ugh.

It's not great for the other kids either.  They aren't likely to cry, but they do snap to attention and have that certain look of  "uh oh" in their eyes.  Ugh again.

There is good news though.  I have learned to apologize to my kids, and they have learned to forgive.  I have noticed that when they get upset with each other, it is generally followed by an apology.  I like to think that's because they have observed my husband and I doing the same.

Yelling is a quick fix, but the results don't last.  It is so much better to have pre-emptive conversations about expectations than to freak out in the moment.  It is so much better to count to 10 before you open your mouth when you're frustrated.  It is so much better to take a minute to think about WHAT you are trying to communicate instead of just communicating frustration.

And I will try to remember all of this the next time I go to my van in the morning to discover 3 gallons of milk that were left in 80 degree weather for a day and a half....they are just kids after all.  :)

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